Lessons of Resilience and Self-Love

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Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion , the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life . Get ready to conquer your fears . Here's your host psychotherapist , coach and empowerment expert , Beverly Glazer psychotherapist , coach and empowerment expert , Beverly Glazer .

Beverley Glazer 0:34

Have you ever felt that you're just not good enough ? In this episode , you'll hear powerful lessons of resilience , embracing your beauty and learning to love yourself . Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion . I'm Beverley Glazer and I help women to overcome adversity in life and business , and you can find me on reinventimpossiblecom . In this episode , you will meet Alina Wilson , founder and CEO of Bridgeport Laser and Wellness Center . Alina is a mother , a grandmother , a philanthropist , an author , an advocate of women's well-being and , from a teenage , pregnancy , failed relationships and starting over with absolutely nothing , alina discovered her beauty and value and now helps others to redefine theirs . Welcome , alina .

Alina Wilson 1:28

Thank you . Thank you , beverly , I'm happy to be here .

Beverley Glazer 1:33

Alina , tell us what was it like growing up . You went to . You were in a really strict and Catholic household . What was it like for you being the oldest child in an environment like that ?

Alina Wilson 1:50

It was actually conservative Christian and so very if you think of like Southern Baptist type religions . That's what I grew up in where you know you go to church every Sunday morning , every Sunday night , every Wednesday night and then you do Bible studies in between , and so that was very constricting , I realized as I got older . I look back on it now and I'm really grateful for what I was able to learn in that environment . But it took a lot of self-direction and motivation to step outside those lines and to do that . Feeling like I was on my own was something I never really expected to face in life .

Beverley Glazer 2:37

But so many opportunities , true , but you were in such a restrictive environment . And then , from your studies , you went to a public school , high school , yeah , yes , that was really hard .

Alina Wilson 2:55

I went to a private school from preschool through fifth grade , and then I was dropped into public school for a year , and that was a disaster . And then so they put me back in private school for seventh and eighth grade , and then I was dropped into public school for a year , and that was a disaster . And then so they put me back in private school for seventh and eighth grade , and that was not sustainable for them financially because there were four of us I'm the second of four and so then they brought me back in public high school and I was completely unprepared for the . There was such a transition that between what you're going walking down the halls and seeing kids kissing , you know where I had come from . You don't hold hands until you're married just about .

Alina Wilson 3:34

And so that was I . Just I didn't . I wasn't prepared . They pulled me out of sex education classes because they didn't want the school teaching me about sex education , but they didn't teach me about it either , and so I was just really struggling . I moved out when I was 17 . And so , of course , was pregnant six months later , because I just didn't know .

Beverley Glazer 3:58

Exactly , and being pregnant and coming from a family like that , how did you deal with that ? How do you deal with the guilt or the shame or anything else that went along with it ? You were just a child , right .

Alina Wilson 4:15

I told my mom that I was pregnant when my dad was out of town , and so I just felt a little bit safer doing that . There was this part of me that was defiant and independent , and I do really believe that I was under the umbrella of protection God's umbrella of protection from a very young age , because I was always able to see things a little bit differently than my family , but that lent toward this feeling of not belonging in my family . Dr Kurt Thompson made the statement that we are all born into this world looking for someone , looking for us , and we remain in that mode of searching for the rest of our lives . And that really was true for me .

Alina Wilson 5:03

While I loved and appreciated my family , I just didn't feel like I belonged , and so , getting pregnant at age 17 , having to tell my parents , I was always accountable for my choices . So , while I could see the horizon of shame or guilt , I chose to walk the other way and I stood in my choices and I said yes , I did this . And now here's what I'm going to do next . You will not force me to marry this person . If I do , it will be my choice . I can raise this baby on my own , because I'm pregnant and having a child . Because I'm pregnant and having a child . So there was no question in my mind about what to do next . It was just a matter of having the confidence to say this is who I am love me or leave me .

Beverley Glazer 5:57

So what happened ? You're only 17 . How did you survive ? I don't know .

Alina Wilson 6:03

I . I had already dropped out of high school so that you know I'd gotten my GED . So that wasn't an issue . I just really wanted to work , and so I did . I just worked .

Alina Wilson 6:13

The father of my child came back to me toward the end of the pregnancy and said I really want to get married , I want to have this . You know I made a mistake . Let's move forward together . And so we got married a month and a half after my child was born . Our child was born and we stayed married for seven years , had two more children , but ultimately in the end he chose drugs and alcohol over family . And so there I was , left alone , not with just one child , but three beautiful children .

Alina Wilson 6:45

And so I did what I've always done just figure it out . We go into life thinking that it's a linear path , like you just check off boxes and everything's going to be okay . But that is absolutely , absolutely not true . And so when I realized that I needed to allow the death of that dream of having a nuclear family and being happy in that relationship , I was able to start a new chapter and transition again and make a plan and stick to it .

Alina Wilson 7:17

Because when anybody who's dealt with someone , who's addicted to anything , whether it's drugs , alcohol , pornography , food , it doesn't matter you lose them . You lose them to that and there's a coming and going that is very destabilizing . And so once he made the choice to leave again and I said , no , you're not coming back this time , I felt a sense of relief , like okay , now I know what I'm doing , because now it's just me and these three little human beings and we are going to figure it out . And I made a commitment to myself at that point I was going to stay single for a minimum of five years so that I could figure all of it out . I really I knew that I was 50% responsible for 100% of the problem and I wanted to know what role I played so that I didn't end up there again .

Beverley Glazer 8:09

How did you figure that out ? You still also had to raise these children as well . Did you have a community , like people there helping you ? How did you do this ?

Alina Wilson 8:21

I was involved in a church at the time that was supportive , and I worked two jobs and I just created that . That was my family unit , you know , and my former husband had been coming and going for seven years and so it wasn't like we , it wasn't like him being gone was a huge difference . It was just the amount of time that he was gone . He came back to see them for a little while and then just ultimately disappeared . So it was just the amount of time that he was gone . He came back to see them for a little while and then just ultimately disappeared . So he was just gone and so that we were .

Alina Wilson 8:53

I was able to form a family unit with them based on , you know , their needs , their interests . If they wanted to play baseball or take dance lessons , I would just get a second job and pay for those fees and figure it out . And my parents helped with babysitting them on the weekends . If I had to work , because I worked during the week and then every other weekend , or sometimes in the evenings , to pay for all the other things they needed . So we did that for five years .

Beverley Glazer 9:25

Yeah , yeah , as as I see , I see a whole roadmap and you had a plan and when you decided , after the five years , that I'm going to be out , I'm going to be okay , you found another relationship and you married that man , oh , I did .

Alina Wilson 9:45

I fell into another relationship because , for as much as I thought I had learned about myself and as much as I thought I knew about myself , we didn't have the language back then that we do now that defines love bombing and narcissism and red flags . I don't think anybody even used that term back then . We could feel it , but we couldn't define it , and I think we as women , and especially in relationships , have been so conditioned to suppress our own intuition that when something comes up , our need to nurture overtakes what otherwise would be common sense , and that's what happened to me . So I quickly fell into another relationship . We got married and we stayed married for 19 years . There was some coming and going in that relationship as well , as there were fractures along the way , as well as there were fractures along the way .

Alina Wilson 10:50

But ultimately that marriage ended and I found myself . My children had grown for the most part , but here I was in a similar situation where I had these responsibilities . We had built this business together and I had eight employees and I knew that we couldn't both be crazy at the same time . So if I didn't keep it together , all of these employees were going to lose . I felt a responsibility to them , whereas previously I felt a responsibility to my children , that same need to take care of these other people . Although at the time it seemed altruistic , I can look back now and say well , I , that was just me being a high functioning codependent , you know so .

Journey of Self-Discovery and Growth

Alina Wilson 11:33

So I started another journey like , okay , round two , second marriage ending . What the heck ? What am I not learning ? Because you know that the universe will slap you with that cosmic two by four , every single time , until you learn the lesson , and that is painful .

Beverley Glazer 11:50

That doesn't feel good , yes , but this man now you've been living together with him and he had children too , and so it was a blended family . You're all pretty well settled . Although you're older , you have not one clinic , you have another clinic . This man was a doctor , you know , and you cannot just leave . How did you decide , like , what pushed you to actually , you know , leave a second relationship like this ? Because on the outside it looked absolutely beautiful .

Alina Wilson 12:26

Sure picture perfect on paper . I was really good at keeping things hidden , you know , because that's what you do , that's what you're raised to do in religion you don't talk to anybody about anything . If you have a problem , you go to God and you , just you really are isolated . And so I was isolated in that marriage and with those problems . I actually tried to leave that marriage after a traumatic incident in 2012 . And I realized at that time that everything was under his name the business , the cars , the house . Somehow I had allowed that to happen without realizing that everything was under his name , and I don't know if that was intentional on his part or just circumstantial that it happened that way . I was on the bank accounts , so I had access to money , but I had no credit because everything had been put under his name . So I tried to leave in 2012 and I realized I need an exit strategy . I can't even rent an apartment right now , you know , and at that time I was in my forties , you know . So I should have , by all rights , been able to go buy a car or rent an apartment or something . And I and I realized I can't even take care of myself . So I found a temporary situation for myself . He went into Alcoholics Anonymous , did financial counseling , all things that I thought , okay , we can create a stable base and grow from this point forward . These things are important . And of course he was willing to do anything and he did , and so I moved back home after a number of months .

Alina Wilson 14:03

But then , as happens in relationships , that started to fade . And there I was . But I was in that relationship with the understanding that my decisions at this point need to be really geared toward me , and so I adjusted and I gave , started giving myself a paycheck , which I hadn't been doing . I took out a loan for a truck that we didn't really need because I wanted to have credit that way , and all the while there was just this hope in the back of my head like , well , maybe it'll work . You know , maybe we can make this work , but in the end it didn't . It was eight years and I finally woke up one day and I said I don't have to do this anymore and I left , and at that point I was prepared .

Beverley Glazer 14:59

Through all this , you discovered yourself . Yeah , what did you find ?

Alina Wilson 15:08

So one could look at these different circumstances and think how tragic . You know , some people look at a failed marriage and they think it's a failure or tragedy . But I viewed all of these challenges as opportunities to grow and I started exploring therapy EMDR therapy , nlp therapy , somatic therapy really wanting to reconnect with myself in ways that I hadn't yet discovered . Yet discovered , and that was such a beautiful , rich experience for me because it allowed me to step outside of conventional definitions of life decisions being right or wrong , good or bad , success or failure , and just live in the present moment of what is and what has been . I am a sum of my life choices , right , and in that is inherent the understanding that I will be a sum of my life choices in a year , two years , five years . So every decision that I make today is going to lead me somewhere . Where do I want to go ? I make today is going to lead me somewhere .

Beverley Glazer 16:25

Where do I want to go ? Beautiful ? You also wrote a book I did , and the book is focused on women . It's thoughtful aging .

Alina Wilson 16:38

What message do you want to give other women ? I felt such a division within myself throughout all of these life experiences , and here in the clinic I've been doing this for 18 years now . All of the conversations , thousands of conversations that I've had with women are there's one common denominator , and that's deficiency for a problem to solve . Where I want to redirect that way of thinking to healthy and attainable , which to me is not anti-aging , but thoughtful aging . So thoughtful aging is really about restoring the honor to the aging process by learning to see your own true beauty , to be able to look in the mirror and love who you see , just as you are , and approach any cosmetic or aesthetic procedures from a place of want rather than a place of need , so that we can stay in the present moment and aligned with who we truly are .

Beverley Glazer 17:39

Looking back on your journey , what advice would you give to other women who are also searching to love themselves ? They're looking on the outside , they're going to your clinic , they're looking for help on the outside , but it's really on the inside something they need . What advice could you give to those people ?

Alina Wilson 18:01

There are a million ways to be distracted every day and we are all subject to distraction . If we don't learn how to integrate moments of present living throughout the day , then we can get lost in that cycle of reactivity , of living from a reactive state rather than a place of choice . So the advice that I would give women is to embrace reality , look at what you see , practice self-acceptance and compassion , and realize that you are an autonomous being who has the choice to shift your perspective . If you choose , live from a place of gratitude and compassion and learn to love yourself so that you can expand your capacity to connect and love others .

Beverley Glazer 18:52

Beautiful . Thank you , Alina . Alina Wilson is the founder and CEO of Bridgeport Laser Wellness Center , and Alina is a mother , a grandmother , an author , an advocate of women's well-being , and her book Thoughtful Aging is available on Amazon . Here are some takeaways from this episode . Life can be tough , but you can always rebuild and thrive , no matter what . A positive mindset helps to break free of your limitations and create the life that you want . And beauty comes from confidence , self-love and seeing the unique value that you alone have . For similar personal growth stories , please check out number 101 and 110 of Aging with Purpose and Passion . And where can people find you , Alina ?

Alina Wilson 19:53

I am online at thoughtfulagingbookcom Facebook and Instagram Thoughtful Aging Books Substack . I do a little bit of writing there on Thoughtful Aging Book and then , of course , anywhere where you find books sold , you'll find thoughtful aging book sub stack . I do a little bit of writing there on thoughtful aging book and then , of course , anywhere where you find books sold , you'll find my book there .

Beverley Glazer 20:08

Terrific , and all these links are going to be in the show notes , and they're on my site too . That's reinventimpossiblecom . If you've enjoyed aging with purpose and passion , check out Reinvention Rebels podcast . It features bold , unapologetic women over 50 who've transformed their lives in extraordinary ways , because it's never too late to shine brighter and live a life you love . And that link will also be in the show notes , too .

Beverley Glazer 20:40

And now , my friends , what's next for you ? Are you just going through the motions or are you really passionate about your life ?

Empowering Self-Coaching Newsletter and Community

Beverley Glazer 20:49

Sign into my newsletter to get the weekly self-coaching tips that will empower you through your journey . And that link where will it be In the show notes , too . You can connect with me , Beverly Glazer , on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook , Women Over 50 Rock , and if you think I can help you with your purpose and passion in any way , you can also schedule a quick Zoom to talk to me as well . Thank you for listening . Have you enjoyed this conversation ? Subscribe so you don't miss the next one , and send this episode to a friend . And always remember you have only one life , so live it with purpose and passion .

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Thank you for joining us . You can connect with Bev on her website , Reinventimpossible . com and , while you're there , join our newsletter Subscribe so you don't miss an episode . Until next time , keep aging with purpose and passion and celebrate life .