Speaker 1: 0:07

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host psychotherapist, coach and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer: 0:36

Have you been carrying a secret that you're never going to tell? Well, welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. This is the podcast for women over 50 ready to stop settling and live on their own terms. Each week, you'll hear raw conversations, inspiring stories and get practical tools to help you regenerate your life and your fire. I'm Beverley Glazer, a transformational coach and therapist for women ready to reclaim their voice, break free from what holds them back, and you can find more about me on reinventimpossible. com. I want you to meet Christina L Woods. She's an internationally known clinical hypnotherapist, a rapid transformational therapist, an empowerment coach and Reiki master, who left a 30-year corporate career. Today, christina helps women to realize their worth, change their beliefs and align with their authentic selves. Listen to her story of overcoming the trauma of sexual abuse, a secret that she's carried until she was 50 years old. So let's dive in.

Christina L Bishop: 1:50

Oh thank you for having me.

Beverley Glazer: 1:53

Christina, share a bit about your childhood. What was going on in your life back then? You had so many challenges. You know you had so many challenges.

Christina L Bishop: 2:02

Yeah, so I was, mom and dad were teen parents I'm the oldest of four siblings and so sort of grew into, you know, people learning what to do as they were raising me and had a big sense of responsibility from day one.

Christina L Bishop: 2:20

And home was a bit chaotic and, you know, parents divorced when I was about five years old, so there was definitely a sense of a lot of stress and mom was working a lot and we were home at the time for many years it was just my brother and I.

Christina L Bishop: 2:35

My mother remarried later and had a few more children, but a big sense of responsibility left with babysitters and so on, because she's working quite a bit, and so, you know, a lot of chaos, a lot of instability, a lot of financial stress in our home. I know now, you know, my mother didn't always understand how to deal with that and how I dealt with it was being a good girl, being, you know, no trouble, being a perfectionist, being a good student, being a good helper and, as you mentioned, when I was about eight or nine years old, I had a very, you know, inappropriate situation with the neighbor when I went to borrow some sugar. With the neighbor when I went to borrow some sugar and I really just for lack of a better word to not disrupt a very disruptive life just sort of put that in a box and went on with my life.

Beverley Glazer: 3:41

And you were the oldest also, yeah, and you had responsibilities, because mom was all over the place, she sure was yeah. And you had to grow up really fast. Mom worked in a bar. I understand, right.

Christina L Bishop: 3:56

Yeah, she did a great job raising us and she worked nights and she worked in restaurants and bars and you know, at that time this is the 70s, so if you're not educated, it was the best way to make the most money and cash and instant money. And work nights so that home in the day, or in the summers, when we're home, but babysitters at nights and coming home really, really late, maybe you know two, three o'clock in the morning. So in the morning when we're trying to get ready for school, she's pretty tired and, um, you know, so not always conducive to like let's get up ready for school, come on. So, but doing doing your best, and so you know not exactly what every other mom was doing at that time, and and not it didn't feel very normal in my neighborhood. So there were other, maybe a couple other divorced parents, but I definitely felt different, definitely felt like, hey, I don't want everybody to know what my mom and dad do, or you know, I, I wanted that persona.

Beverley Glazer: 5:08

Of course, you want to be normal, you want to be like everybody else, sure, and there's pressure, and a lot of pressure, to being normal, whatever normal is, and you just got all these different perceptions from the outside world, and being perfect was really something you aspire to and you did a good job of that.

Christina L Bishop: 5:30

Yeah, I did a real good job of it and you know, I think you know you don't know it's happening, but you know, becoming a really good student and you know, sweet and no trouble and helping my brother learn how to read. I remember these types of things happening all the time and homecoming queen and all the little activities and just overdue, overdue, overdue and really just make everybody proud. Be the first to do this, be the first to graduate or go to college, be the first first, first of everything, as the oldest set the way, create a new path. Be the first to blossom and make everybody proud. And I did. I made my mother proud, my father proud, everybody proud. I was a good role model for my brother. So these are feeling good moments, model for my brother. So these are these are feeling good moments in life.

Beverley Glazer: 6:27

Yeah, yes, yes, for sure. So when did you realize that this perfect little girl no longer really served its purpose?

Christina L Bishop: 6:38

Well, you know, I entered the corporate world and did you know very well, in that world as well and excelled, but it all started crashing down. All of the trauma, the adrenaline, the push, push, push and just not really paying attention to anything other than achievements and approval and the persona that my identity was. You know how do I look on the outside. It all started crashing down when I was getting close to being 50 and immune, autoimmune, vertigo. My marriage had fallen apart. You know, it had been maybe almost close to 25 years at that point. I had two children and everything. The cards just started falling apart and I was miserable and corporate and I just really had to take a look at, like, what is going on? Because I have this long marriage, way beyond anything, you know, my, my own family had, and that was my goal, like don't, don't do what that you know, I don't want to repeat what I had, I want to have my family together and I didn't have a happy marriage. My body certainly feels like it's been through the ringer. I have anxiety. I was on anxiety medication. At that point my body was saying you can't do this anymore. I hated my job, I had a lot of debt. And so I went into therapy and my marriage at that point I was getting a divorce and I just knew I had to go into therapy.

Christina L Bishop: 8:15

And, you know, my marriage at that point I was getting a divorce and I just knew I had to go into therapy. So that's what I did. I went into deep therapy, which I didn't want to do, but I knew I needed to do, and at that point things started to unravel and I realized I had suppressed the abuse, I had suppressed some things and you know, I'll be honest, I had, you know, you know, in the back of your mind, something like that had happened, but I had just told myself oh, that wasn't that bad. You know, that little thing that happened at the neighbors wasn't that bad. And and which is quite shocking, because as an adult woman of my own children, now how could I think that wasn't that bad? But I didn't want, I didn't want to make and disrupt any, any type of thing going on in my life. So, yeah, it wasn't until I was 50.

Beverley Glazer: 9:02

Oh, did you open up? Because, yes, you were keeping that for a good 50 years, but then to realize that this was a something and it's not really a nothing. And that memory went back. You were just a child of eight and you kept on suppressing and trying to be more and more normal and not to bring this up. How were you able to do that?

Christina L Bishop: 9:25

Well, things weren't lining up logically for me. So it was the how come I have all these things in my life that are supposed to be, you know, equating to this great life, and I feel like a bad person. I had a lot of shame. I didn't know it was called shame. I didn't know. You know, when you walk around you feel like a bad person. Now I know, well, that's shame. I had no idea. So I asked the therapist like why do I always feel bad? I feel like a bad mom, a bad friend, a bad person. I know I'm not, but I feel bad.

Christina L Bishop: 10:00

And so we explored it and I went, I did hypnosis, but I really did a lot of EMDR at the time, and very quickly we went back to these moments and I said, yeah, but that's not abuse, is it? And she said, yes, it's abuse. And so I was even still not very clear and it clearly, you know, slowly came out that, yes, that's what it is. And you know, when you're able to start to have compassion with yourself and see how much I had, you know, wanted to just feel safe and I was in survival mode for so, so long, and see it from another perspective, then I could start to have compassion for that part of me that just wanted to bury it, and and then I could face it and you know it, it it was difficult to face and and accept and have compassion for those parts of me.

Christina L Bishop: 10:52

And then and here I am now speaking about it publicly, publicly I'm going to be an author soon. And here I am now speaking about it publicly, publicly I'm going to be an author soon, a published author, where I share it as well. But you know, this has been a long road, a 10 year road of sharing it and and and you know you hear people burying things for protection and when it happens to yourself, you're like, wow, this is like in the movies, but it happens, right.

Beverley Glazer: 11:15

And there goes that little girl, perfect image right before you. And boundaries was something too, because to be a people pleaser there are no boundaries there. You had to change a lot. How did boundaries change for you?

Christina L Bishop: 11:32

How did boundaries change for you? Well, boundaries changed in many, many ways. I left corporate, I changed careers, but really boundaries became a lesson in what am I available for? How do I choose myself first, having compassion for myself? Never ever was I ever shown or taught how to put myself first. It wasn't, it was never something I was shown. My mother never did that. I was never rewarded for doing it. In fact, it was the opposite. It was. I was taught. You do not do that. You never put yourself first, you put others first.

Christina L Bishop: 12:15

So it was quite a lesson in having to say okay, this isn't a bad thing to put myself first, I'm not a bad mother, I'm not a bad person to want to go take a bath, to take a nap, to rest when you're tired, to not tell everyone at work you can do everything for them. That doesn't mean you're a bad employee. So this was dismantling of everything I had built my identity around. So, really, boundaries were what am I available for? I'm available for self-compassion, knowing it's okay to put myself first. And then you actually you know the old fill your cup up first. Theory is actually a real thing. It's, and it's a good one.

Beverley Glazer: 12:58

Yes, it really is. How can you teach women, though, to feel that they're deserving? They can be compassionate with themselves. What would you tell them?

Christina L Bishop: 13:17

You know, I like to identify a few of the of the whys you and and look at some of the blocks that we feel might might be the reason. So I think, just getting curious, you know being curious about why do we feel that way in the first place? But you know, just you know, allowing yourself five, 10 minutes to, you know, take a breath. I mean breath is life. Take a breath, allow yourself to have five, 10 minutes for nothingness to clear your mind. I mean we're all, we all can be a better partner, friend, parent, pet owner, whatever you want to be, when we give ourselves a little space to clear our mind and get away from the phone or whatever it might be.

Beverley Glazer: 13:56

Okay, very good advice. Do you have any regrets? You left corporate, you left everything all behind. Looking back, any regrets?

Christina L Bishop: 14:21

Support. I didn't ask for help sooner. You know, I think if I would have been more in tune, I had a lot of self-help books and some I was afraid to read because I knew I'd find something out about myself that would require I go deep within. And I think a lot of people are afraid to ask questions because, you know, what are we going to find out? And we're going to find out the truth about us, that we are enough, we're good and, yes, we might need a little bit of help and guidance and support and it might feel scary, but you know you just take it one day at a time. You know we don't get here, you know, overnight. This is a journey and there's a lot of support. It might just be a friend talking to, but I wish I would have got support sooner. I really do.

Beverley Glazer: 15:07

Excellent. What advice would you give to women who are carrying that secret but they're really afraid to take that step? What advice would you give?

Christina L Bishop: 15:15

them. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything for so long. I played the story in my head as a little girl. Um, you know that I wore the wrong thing, I said the wrong thing, I shouldn't have been there and I was 50, still saying those things. So there's those pieces inside of us that are are telling us still the story of survival and those things aren't true. That's just a story for protection and it's not your fault. And allow someone to help you sort that out. Thank, you.

Beverley Glazer: 15:51

Thank you, christina. Christina L Woods left a 30-year corporate career to become an internationally known clinical hypnotherapist, a rapid transformational therapist, an empowerment coach and a Reiki master, and today she helps women realize their worth, change their thinking and align with their authentic self. Here are a few takeaways from this episode. Boundaries are essential to relationships and to emotional health. You don't have to be perfect. Mistakes give you an opportunity to learn, and when you value yourself, everything falls into place.

Beverley Glazer: 16:35

If you've been keeping a secret that's affecting your self-worth, here are a few things you could do right now. I want you to look into the mirror every single day and take a deep breath and tell yourself I'm okay and I'm not telling you to believe it, though, I'm just telling you to say it every single day. I want you to journal for five minutes a day. Just think of one little thing that you can be proud of, and all these little things build up to self-esteem. And, just as Christina said, reach out to a trusted friend or a professional to share a bit of your story, because this simple act will allow you to be heard.

Beverley Glazer: 17:21

For similar episodes on overcoming abuse, please check out episode 116 and 126 of Aging with Purpose and Passion, and if you love podcasts for women, the Late Bloomer Living podcast will give you a fresh perspective on midlife and aging. Every Wednesday, yvonne Marchese speaks to inspiring guests and experts to provide valuable guidance on navigating the unique challenges of midlife and beyond. This podcast is about celebrating the courage to grow, change and find joy at any age. By the way, that link is going to be in the show notes below, and so where can people find more about you, christina, and eventually read your book?

Christina L Bishop: 18:08

Thank you, christina L Woods. com and all social Facebook, instagram, linkedin is also Christina L Woods.

Beverley Glazer: 18:17

Terrific. That's easy enough, and all Christina's links are going to be in the show notes, and they're going to be on my site too. That's Reinventimpossible. com. And so, my friends, what's next for you? Are you just going through the motions or are you living a life that you truly love? Get my free guide to go from stuck to unstoppable, and that's also in the show notes. Right below this episode, you can connect with me, beverly Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group on Facebook that's Women Over 50 Rock, and I want to thank you for listening. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Please subscribe and help us spread the word by dropping a review and sending it to a friend. And remember you have only one life, so live it with purpose and passion.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, Reinventimpossible. com and, while you're there, join our newsletter subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion and celebrate life.