Speaker 1: 0:07

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host psychotherapist, coach and empowerment expert, Beverly Glazer.

Beverley Glazer: 0:33

Are you an introvert struggling to survive in an extroverted world? Well, welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer and, if you're new to my world, I provide tools for women to overcome challenges and connect the missing links in both their personal and professional lives, and I want you to know that you have more power than you can ever imagine. And sometimes life kicks in, and when that happens, it gives us a little bit of a shot, so we tend to forget that. Consider these episodes your weekly reminders. Today, I want you to meet Kimberly Jergen. Kimberly is an introvert empowerment coach with a passion for helping women break free from their limiting behaviors. Welcome, kim. Limiting behaviors. Welcome, kim Kimberly. Were you always considered an introvert? Because as soon as anyone talks to you or sees you, you don't look like an introvert at all.

Kimberly Jergen: 1:35

Thank you very much. Yes, my introversion, I guess, is a way to say it. I consider myself neuro spicy. I like that, thank you, and I have been an introvert for as long as I can remember. It's the way that I process the world and the way that I interact. Just sometimes it takes me a little bit of time to recharge my batteries If I just get a little overstimulated, especially if it's an environment that's unfamiliar to me.

Beverley Glazer: 2:17

Right, but you also found out that you had dyslexia.

Kimberly Jergen: 2:22

I did.

Beverley Glazer: 2:23

And that can also make you introverted, can it not Like you start feeling a little bit different?

Kimberly Jergen: 2:29

Well, at the time that I discovered I was different, I didn't know what it was, I didn't know. I never had even heard of dyslexia, and it was in seventh grade and I failed a history test and that was something that just never happened for me. So I was afraid that there would be I don't know. I guess negative consequences, like something bad would happen to me if adults found out that there was something wrong. So I created my own strategies so that no one would ever find out what it was. And it wasn't until I got to college and was reading in a biology textbook that there was a word for what I experience every day, and it's dyslexia. And suddenly it all made sense.

Beverley Glazer: 3:22

How did that fit you, though? Did you say okay, now I have something, I've been diagnosed, or I diagnosed myself? Like what did you do there?

Kimberly Jergen: 3:33

It was just. There was a huge relief that happened because suddenly everything made sense. I didn't feel like there was something wrong with me, because it wasn't unique to me, like I wasn't outside of everybody else. Yes, I was different than a lot of people, but we are all different in a million different ways, and so this just gave a new difference to me. But by putting a name to it, suddenly everything made sense. And where it was frustrating before and I was constantly having to create strategies so that when I was giving directions I wouldn't say left, when I meant right, I got so many people lost. Or being an actor on stage with stage left and stage right I was constantly having to have these reminders for myself so that I could say the right thing and I could interpret it correctly when somebody told me to go left or go right, to make sure that I actually went the direction they said rather than the opposite, which is oftentimes what my brain would tell me to do.

Beverley Glazer: 4:51

Sure, but I'm stopping you right now, because you just said actor, yes, and you also said in the same breath, introvert. Okay, yes, when we think of actors, we do not think of introverts. When we think of actors, we do not think of introverts.

Kimberly Jergen: 5:10

So when did you decide that this is going to be a field that I'm going to go into. Well, I had loved acting throughout high school and had worked, had taken a course at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center one summer for high school students and it was amazing. And during that time I actually had a teacher who told me not to go to conservatory. She said that I should go to a liberal arts college and major in life. Now, as a 16 year old, I'm like nod and smile, yeah, whatever. I don't even know what that means, but okay, sure. Nod and smile, yeah, whatever. I don't even know what that means, but okay, sure.

Kimberly Jergen: 5:51

But what ended up happening was I went to a liberal arts college. I floated around through so many different majors because I fell in love with learning when I was in college, and then I ended up majoring in life because I experienced so many things while I was there, got my degree in theater studies and film, because I had never seen acting as a viable career path, because it didn't seem like you could make a living at it, and my mom was very stressed when she discovered that's what I have decided to do. But I booked my first professional gig while I was still in college continued booking after graduation, so I was able to be a professional actor Pretty much out of the gate once I had made the decision. This is what I'm going to do.

Beverley Glazer: 6:42

Which is exceptional, because most actors that you think of it are waiters. They're starving before they start getting those parts and you started getting those parts right out of the gate.

Kimberly Jergen: 6:57

Yes, I am probably one of the few actors that has not ever waited tables how about that? Okay, but I also know I would be horrible at it. So it's not that I turned my nose up at it at all. I just I don't think and maybe it's partly because I'm an introvert and so going up to all of those tables just sounds exhausting to me, and because I'm dyslexic. Having to remember all the orders and put them down at the right tables in front of the right people also is a little overwhelming. I have known myself well enough to know I would fail at that job, and you never had to do it.

Beverley Glazer: 7:37

Did not no, but you also took a great big risk, too great big risk too. You moved from your town and you chose the Big Apple of all places, of course, new York, which is, as everyone involved in the theater would say, yes, I want to go there, and you did it. How did someone who was introverted start out and say I'm going to go was introverted, start out and say I'm going to go, I'm going to do it alone, I'm going to go to NYC, new York City? Here I come and actually do that? How did you get to land jobs in New York City?

Kimberly Jergen: 8:16

Well, actually I felt like I had gone as far as I could go in Atlanta Now, atlanta is a huge hub of so much production going on. But I had felt like I had kind of reached the ceiling. Casting directors knew me, but there just wasn't a lot of work yet, so I left right as production started flowing into the city. So if I had waited maybe another couple of years, things might have turned out completely differently. But I've always lived in the South and so I was thinking where do I want to go? Looking at New York and LA. And I'd been to New York a lot. I had studied in New York, I had even been on stages in New York and I loved the idea of going to New York. My family loved New York, so I thought they're going to visit all the time. This will be great.

Kimberly Jergen: 9:11

And then I thought of Los Angeles. I had never been to Los Angeles, did not know a single person in Los Angeles, had never even been to LAX in a layover. So like I had zero knowledge of Los Angeles. But because I had always lived in the South, I knew that going through three feet of snow to an audition was probably not something I was going to do so that the weather actually was the reason why I chose Los Angeles over New York City, and so it's the most ridiculous reason on the planet. But I have to say some of the biggest decisions I have made in my life have been for really off center reasons. The reason that first got me into Atlanta was a little unusual, and then the reason that got me to Los Angeles also was a little bit of a head scratcher too.

Beverley Glazer: 10:09

How did you do that? Think about it. You're supposed to be an introvert. How do you just set up, as you know, in this extroverted world? Now we're talking LA. New York is one scene, but the East Coast is totally different than the West Coast and you went from east to west. Did you know anybody?

Kimberly Jergen: 10:34

Were there any connections? I had zero connections. I even had to find roommates on Craigslist Like I didn't even know them, like I didn't even know them.

Beverley Glazer: 10:45

And so here you are in LA, where everybody comes to be an actor. Yes, and everyone comes to be discovered.

Kimberly Jergen: 10:57

What did you do? How did you make friends? How did you connect? Well, because I had done so much theater, I knew that that could be my way to feel at home here. So I started doing theater, because there is a sizable theater community here. It's not predominant, obviously, because there's so much film and TV production here in Los Angeles, but I loved getting to know people and it started to feel like home to me and also, coming from the South, I just have a genuinely friendly demeanor when it comes to seeing people on the street, and that was very unusual, I think, for people here. So I would just start talking to people and they would be so surprised and they would engage in conversation with me and I started making connections just because I was allowing myself to be me, but me without fears or frustrations or the feeling that I'm going to fail. I knew from the minute I got here I was going to succeed that is amazing because that's mindset.

Kimberly Jergen: 12:22

Exactly.

Beverley Glazer: 12:23

For someone who is introverted, just the mere fact of going out to total strangers can be horrifying. Did you have to overcome that? It's just no, I'm a Southern girl. This is just what I do.

Kimberly Jergen: 12:39

No, I definitely had to overcome it. What I did? No, I definitely had to overcome it. I started doing a lot of improv back when I was in Atlanta, and, as a professional improviser, part of what it taught me to do was to comfortably go up to strangers and have conversations, because I was required to do that, and so it gave me that sense of confidence, and that sometimes is what can make the difference between taking that step, even knowing I don't know what's going to happen, but going forward anyway, and that made a huge difference for me. But going forward anyway, yeah, and that made a huge difference for me.

Beverley Glazer: 13:26

Do you use those strategies in your coaching? Kim?

Speaker 1: 13:29

Mm-hmm.

Beverley Glazer: 13:32

And what do your clients say? Oh, I cannot do that, how can I do that? What do you say to them?

Kimberly Jergen: 13:40

Well, I tell them that that is a choice. I am a huge fan of relabeling. So if you have a label that says this is going to be hard, well, that's a choice. And if it's up to you to choose what that label is going to be, why not choose the opposite? Okay, so, instead of this is going to be hard, this is going to be an exciting challenge. Not that it's going to be easy and it's going to be a piece of cake, but the mindset that you go into it with can make all the difference. Because if you say this is going to be hard, there is a part of your brain that has already decided it may not work out. But if you say this is going to be an exciting challenge, now it's an adventure, and you don't know what's going to happen next. And sure, the outcome might be less awesome than what it could have been, but you have given yourself the opportunity to have a new experience and to learn from that and to grow with that.

Beverley Glazer: 14:55

So once again, it's mindset yes, I want to do it more than I am afraid to do it.

Kimberly Jergen: 15:05

Yes, and to step out of yourself, exactly. But sometimes it doesn't mean that you don't acknowledge that fear. Because, yes, there are times where I'm doing something and I know that on the other side of it it's going to be exhausting. Going onto a film set where I don't know anybody and I've never been on the set before, and suddenly I have to interact with another actor that I've never even met, as though I am her parent, that I am her mom and I have known her all of her life, and so suddenly we have to have that bond on camera and I don't know her from Adam's house yet. So, knowing that, yes, sometimes it's going to be challenging and sometimes it will be absolutely draining times, it will be absolutely draining. But being so excited at the possibilities of the experience that's going to happen for me, that is what keeps me going. It makes it worth going to that completely foreign environment and doing I don't know what's going to happen.

Beverley Glazer: 16:24

Right. So it's not thinking of yourself, it's stepping out of yourself and just discovering something new. Yes, is that why you went from acting to coaching?

Kimberly Jergen: 16:37

introverts. Yes, now of course, I'm still an actor, so I still love doing that because it feeds a different part of me. But coaching and working with introverts, I love being able to help others have an experience that is unique to them and gives them the opportunity to live a life that is fuller and richer than they may have experienced before. I started calling myself the radiant introvert. We were talking about labels and just by saying that and introducing myself to potential clients or at networking events as hi, I'm Kimberly Jergen, the Radiant Introvert. Yes, it may have felt a little clunky in the beginning, but eventually I grew into that because every time I said it I was reminding myself that there are two sides to the coin. Being an introvert is a superpower, and embracing that and recognizing what are the assets that you have because you are an introvert, that folks who are extroverts or omniverts don't have, that folks who are extroverts or omniverts don't have, and embracing those and letting those become strengths rather than seeing this as something that diminishes my experience of life.

Beverley Glazer: 18:20

Yes, so what role does risk-taking play? Because you've been taking risks with being an introvert, taking risks with moving, taking risks with going into places like LA or New York, getting jobs, having no connections, constantly taking risks. What role does that play for you?

Kimberly Jergen: 18:47

and your personal growth. I know that if I don't take risks, everything stays exactly the same, and a body of water that doesn't move gets foul right. So you constantly have to have that movement. That's just part of nature, is staying in movement so that things stay fresh. And so in life, recognizing that for myself, that, yes, I could just let my life stay the same as it has always been, but then I won't have any new experiences, then I will always be caught up in the cycle of making the same choices, which, when you're making a choice that is one that hurts you. That's certainly not a place that I want to be. I don't want to feed that part of myself that is in pain or that part of myself that is afraid to step forward, even if I don't know what's going to happen.

Beverley Glazer: 20:24

So that's what risk does. It doesn't matter. What you're doing is you're taking a leap of faith, really, and then seeing what comes out of it, and it doesn't matter if you're introverted, it doesn't matter if you have dyslexia. What you're doing is just taking that leap of faith and, regardless of what all the labels have said, let's just see. Being curious, exactly what you have now is elegant curiosity. That is your coaching system. Yes, talk about that. What is that?

Kimberly Jergen: 20:54

Sure, it is a. Well, it spells out the word elegant and that's where it comes from. It's what first inspired it was because I'm a bit of a math and science geek and so I love equations that are elegant, and an elegant equation is just something that is a very complex idea that is expressed in such a simple way like E equals MC squared. For me, that's like one of the most beautifully elegant expressions of an incredibly complicated and powerful result. And so, with that idea, I decided let's call my system elegant, because it becomes that there are so many ripples, like you throw a rock into water and you get the ripples, and that's what this is, and each one, as you embrace it, it creates so many results that you couldn't have envisioned coming.

Kimberly Jergen: 22:09

It starts by engaging your curiosity, because with that sense of curiosity, you are bringing a feeling of adventure. That's where you are okay with whatever the outcome may be. Then you are listening actively, so that you are present in every single moment when you are having a conversation with yourself, with others, that you are fully present. And then you embrace vulnerability, and this is where you also become courageous enough to step forward, because being vulnerable is part of that. It's the other side of the coin and if you are okay with being vulnerable, that will give you the courage to take risks and step outside your comfort zone. Then you're generating opportunities. This is where you are creating more than you could have imagined. Then you assess and you adapt, because if we are not changing then we are becoming that stagnant water and stagnant. If you've ever been to a pond that is stagnant water, it is like icky. There is that pond scum and all kinds of unpleasant things happening and then you have to be in motion and keep moving and growing.

Kimberly Jergen: 23:38

Exactly and by assessing what's happening and then adapting it, makes sure that you are aware of what the choices are that you're making and then shifting if you need to, then nurturing your relationships. That's your relationships with others, but also your relationship with yourself. I find that so much of the time introverts are unaware of themselves, even that we get disconnected from ourselves, that we start to take so much about ourselves for granted, and that also leads to that cycle of repetitive stagnation. And then the final step in the elegant system is to transform assumptions, because assumptions are the things that I find prevent us from moving forward again and again, and again.

Beverley Glazer: 24:39

Very, very true. What advice would you give to other introverted women, kim, who are stuck in their comfort zones? What can you tell them to give them that boost? And they say I can't.

Kimberly Jergen: 24:58

I would say to start with checking in with yourself. If you've got one of those watches that, like, reminds you to get up and move every so often, or if you don't, then just set an alarm for yourself. And whenever that goes off, the first thing I would love for you to do is to check in with yourself. What am I feeling right now? And this can be your physical sensations Am I hot, am I cold, am I hungry, am I tired? Am I energized? What are you physically feeling emotionally? And then, what are you physically feeling physically, so that you are tuning in to your own thermostat, your own barometer, your own internal clock, your own self.

Kimberly Jergen: 25:56

And if you start with understanding you and how you feel from moment to moment, then you'll start to become aware of tension. And I find that tension is the enemy of creativity, it is the enemy of change of creativity, it is the enemy of change. And tension within yourself is anytime you are not in alignment with your natural flow. You are being something that somebody else has said you should be, rather than being in flow with your authentic self. And so the first way that you can start to recognize that is just by checking in with yourself and noticing how you feel, again the sensory feelings, but also the emotional feelings, and the more you do that, the more you're aware of yourself and you're going to start to feel that tension and that's going to help you take those risks as you feel I feel powerful. Today I'm going to step out. What can I do today that this feeling can fuel?

Beverley Glazer: 27:10

Yes, that really says it. What are you feeling? Go with it. Yes, go with your gut. Be who you are. Stop thinking so much, just keep on going. Kimberly Jergen is an introvert empowerment coach with a passion for helping introverts to break their limiting behaviors. And where can people reach you, kim?

Kimberly Jergen: 27:40

You can reach me through my website, KimberlyYergincom, or I'm on LinkedIn as well.

Beverley Glazer: 27:46

Wonderful, and those links are going to be in the show notes and they're also going to be on my site too. That's Reinventedpossiblecom. So what's next for you, my friends? Are you just going through the motions or are you prepared to transform your own life? Download From Suck to Unstoppable and find out, and that's also going to be in the show notes below. You can connect with me, Beverley Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook that's Women Over 50 Rock, and you can also schedule a quick Zoom with me personally, should you want to. All those links, once again, are going to be in the show notes below. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Please join me next week. Subscribe to get all these episodes in your inbox and drop us a review and send it also to a friend. And remember you only have one life, so live it with purpose and passion.

Speaker 1: 28:58

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, reinventimpossible. com and, while you're there, join our newsletter subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion and celebrate life.