Purpose, Grit, And Reinvention

Announcer 0:05

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Ronnie’s Path From Corporate To Solo

Beverley Glazer 0:23

One of the most powerful chapter in your life is the one that you haven't even written. Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a reinvention strategist and empowerment coach for women over 50, helping you turn a lifetime of wisdom into your most impactful chapter. And you can find me on reInventimpossible.com. These episodes share real stories from women who refuse to give up and discover what's next with intention. We don't sugarcoat anything here. We rise from those challenges and you leave with a deeper understanding in your own power and confidence in what you can achieve because your next chapter is not an accident, it's always a choice. And Ronnie Ann Ryan shows us exactly what that looks like. When Ronnie found herself single at 40 years old, she decided that love shouldn't be left a chance. And so she approached that with intention. She dated 30 men in 15 months before finally meeting her husband. And then she created a best-selling guide, a coaching practice, and many, many years later, she's done so much more. So if you ever believe that love, change, and reinvention is only for the young, this conversation is for you. Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, Ronnie.

Ronnie Ann Ryan 1:58

Oh, thank you so much for uh inviting me, Beverley. I'm really happy to be here.

Beverley Glazer 2:03

Ronnie, give us some background. Were you always an entrepreneur?

Ronnie Ann Ryan 2:08

Well, that's a great question. So I worked for two years in advertising, and then I was tired of that, and I ended up going freelance. So, way back in my early 20s, I was already working for myself. Then I got an MBA and uh went to work in the corporate world for a while, and that only lasted about seven years, and I went back to being on my own. So, for the vast majority of my career, I have in fact been on my own.

Beverley Glazer 2:42

Right. Was that a huge transition though? Going from corporate where you get uh a paycheck, it's comfortable, and then all of a sudden, you know, you're freelance and you have to um get out there. Was that huge for you?

Ronnie Ann Ryan 2:55

I gotta tell you, the opposite direction was huger. Like going from, I mean, it's always great to get a paycheck and something you can count on. But for me, being in the corporate world, I was not really a good match for that environment. And so when I left, while I was not financially stable, I just felt so much relief and freer. So I, you know, there were things I had to work through though, because you know, I remember my mortgage was due at the time and it was $900 something dollars, and I only had $800 something in the bank. So I did get down to the wire, but then things did turn around.

Turning 40 And Choosing Intentional Love

Beverley Glazer 3:37

But but you know, so from corporate, now you become an entrepreneur and you're fighting for your life there. And then also, before you know it, you hit 40. Yeah, and you must have dated many frogs, and you're looking for your prince, and you didn't give up, and you decided to make this a marketing project. How did you do that?

Ronnie Ann Ryan 4:00

I love how you position that. Uh you know, I had my heart broken in college, and I didn't realize what this meant, but I was holding a torch, as they say. And I didn't think he was gonna come back to me, but I had never fully let go. So then one day I woke up and I was 40, and I'm like, ah, you know, you better let go. Yeah, and I decided that I'm smart, I should be able to figure this out. Why shouldn't I? You know, and I had a lot of um, we'll call it esoteric metaphysical um practice classes and investigation, and I thought I'll just make my own program because at the time there was nothing, there really was nothing. So I put together my own program. A lot of it was based on uh the law of attraction among but I I I did everything and I didn't leave any stone unturned, honestly.

Beverley Glazer 4:59

So far, how did you find these people? Like 30 men. Okay, and you know, you went out there.

Tactics: Ads, Fix‑Ups, And Dances

Inner Work Over Everything

Ronnie Ann Ryan 5:07

I'll tell you how did you do this? They what's amazing is there are actually people everywhere. I know that sounds weird, but there's tons of people, there's tons of single people. There aren't necessarily tons of people that are just right for you, but there are lots of people to meet, and so what I decided was that I needed to just put myself out there so the right man could find me because hiding or just hanging out with my girlfriends, I was having a good time, but I wasn't finding anyone to date. And so I at the time it was just before the apps took off, internet dating, and so there was um personal ads in the newspaper, and that's what I did. So when people complain to me about what um online dating is like, I I just go, yeah, okay, because I had 22 words, no picture, but a voicemail. And you know, I met a lot of men, a lot of men, and most of them didn't work out, as you can tell. I had to go through 30 of them. I mean, there were there were a few that I had several dates with, but uh until I met um number 29, who was a really nice guy, but not quite right, and number 30. So I I dated them both at the same time, but that's how I met a lot of men. Plus, I had fix-ups because I told people what I was doing. And I also at the time there were singles dances, so I went to singles dances. I don't know how much they exist anymore. But um, so those were the three methods I used. But in addition, uh yeah, Beverly, what I found was what really made the difference was not my outer actions. I mean, yes, I had to be active, I had to get out there, I had to meet people, but it was my internal landscape that I worked on the most. I had to open my heart to love, I had to let go of the guy I was holding a torch for. You know, I did a ton of internal work, and I had already been, you know, a student of metaphysics and stuff, so I used what I had learned, and I had to open my heart, and it took time. I made little affirmations, I turned them into songs, I sang them all the time, and then one day I realized they were singing in my head. The song was just an I hadn't chosen to sing it. I'm like, oh, that must be in my subconscious mind. And then I wrote another verse to advance it. Finally, I was singing a tune to Love Potion number nine about how I was so alluring and cosmically I was attracting all the men, you know. It was, and I made it fun. That's another thing. Like, you can think of it as awful, laborious, terrible, heartbreaking, or you can just think, I just got to keep going. I gotta keep meeting men until I meet the right one. So I did a tremendous amount of inner work, and that is truly what made the difference. That, and of course, making myself available to meet people. But if I hadn't been in the right mindset, if I hadn't worked on my heart, then I don't care how many people I would have met, it might not have mattered. So I really had to open my heart because I was very um, I had a lot of armor, we'll call it, like you know, protective, sure, protective, uh, imaginary protective gear. Sure. That's what I had to get rid of.

Beverley Glazer 8:32

And and did you screen them? Because this is back in the day where we didn't have cameras and it wasn't so easy to just send what you were, you know, talking about doing on the internet. We didn't have Facebook. You were using the phone. How did you screen these people or did you go to every meetup?

Screening Dates And Red Flags

Ronnie Ann Ryan 8:52

Oh no, I we talked on the phone. We probably talked for you know 15 to 20 minutes. I tried not to go on and on. I learned pretty quickly that was a bad idea because you get these ideas in your head. And that's why I used to tell my clients don't text for weeks before you meet somebody. You got to meet them and text with them all in one week, get it over with, make it happen. And if they can't, then move on because that's somebody who's not really invested in meeting you. So anyway, I did. I would screen them by just listening to what they say. So one guy would, you know, said to me, and there were no pictures, mind you. So he said, Oh, so will you wear a bikini on my boat? And I said, Uh, oh, I don't know, are you looking for someone to date or a boat trophy? Like, I just so I didn't, I'm a little smart ass. So I I did um you had to kind of talk to them and see, and it it was pretty clear, but you know, I learned something from every one of those situations. So I met this attorney. I am not kidding. This is what he said to me. So I have a girlfriend already, but you know, she's not really doing it for me anymore, and so I'm looking for my next one, and so I'm kind of into you. I like you, you know. And so what do you say? We get to know each other, and then you know, if things work out, I'll get rid of her. And then I said, I yeah, I don't think so. I said, I don't think so. You know, I said when you're done with her, if you want, you can contact me. I don't even know why I was that generous. But here's the thing: I learned one of the most important things from him, and that was he told me when he went through um counseling before he and his wife got divorced. He learned that uh this was his takeaway, that the woman just wants to hear everything will be okay, and the man just wants to hear you're wonderful. And I have to tell you, that really resonated with me. And so when I met my husband, I taught him this. And I said, Listen, this is your job. I'm gonna come to you and I'm gonna be all freaked out, and you're gonna say everything will be okay, and then I'm gonna say, you're wonderful. And it really works for us, I gotta tell you. And so I learned that from a man who was a terrible date, but a valuable lesson, and that's how I looked at the whole process. Sometimes people made me cry. I went and and met this one guy. He literally I walk up to him because don't forget there's no pictures, and he looks at his watch and he says, I have 15 minutes. What do you want to drink? Oh, and I thought I was just gonna burst into tears, and then I thought a drink would be actually a really good thing. So I had my 15-minute drink. I went to the car and I started crying, and then I'm like, What are you crying over? That guy was a jerk. You don't have there's nothing to cry over with that guy, that's his problem, not yours, blah, blah, blah. So I managed to shift my perspective and keep myself level.

Two Big Mistakes Women Make

Beverley Glazer 11:46

So I learned a tremendous about the inner workings of dating and what do you find is the biggest mistake that women make when they are doing the online dating, or even when they're just going out there looking specifically for Mr. Wonderful?

Ronnie Ann Ryan 12:05

So there are two camps. The first camp is putting up with stuff right from the beginning because you know, we just want to be loved. And so they think, well, overall, he's a nice guy, or well, he has potential, and so you make excuses for him and whatever, even though you saw red flags right from the start. That's the first one. The second one is the actual flip side of that, which is really none of these men are any good, and tons of judgment about them all. And one of my favorite things when I first started doing data coaching, I did it in person, I did it in person in groups. And there was a dentist who was a woman and a top insurance agent, and they were friends, and I talked to them about flirting, and they said, We're gonna go out and try it. I'm like, Okay, great. So class was over at 8:30, and they went out to try it in a bar, and they came back the next week, and these women never talked to men because they all men stunk, in their opinion. But what they came back and said was, Oh my gosh, it worked. And both of them had some guy who met them who asked them out on a date that night, and that had never happened to them because they were never open, they never talked to men, they didn't smile at them. And if some guy came over to them normally, their thing would be like, What do you want? So those are the two camps, right?

Beverley Glazer 13:32

Those are the vibes, and then people wonder why don't they talk to me when you're sending out those real negative vibes? So let me ask you, did you know that number 30 was number 30? That was it? This was your man? What happened?

Choosing Between #29 And #30

Ronnie Ann Ryan 13:48

Not really. Well, I was dating 29 because I had only had three dates with him, and he was a really nice guy. And on paper, he looked like the better match for me for a number of reasons. But as I got to know the man who became my husband, um, I don't know, there was just something about him where I felt like number 29, I I was definitely gonna become a bitch. I it was just no question in my mind. He was just gonna bring out the nasty in me. And on the other hand, my husband, I knew that wasn't gonna fly. You know, and so I thought he's going to make me stretch more and keep myself in check and learn how to not, you know, how to be kind rather than you know, when you get angry with somebody, you just want to flip into name-calling and you know, you're so stupid and all, you know, common ways we respond, but we don't do it. And uh it was a really good choice.

Beverley Glazer 14:50

Nice, nice, nice. And you turned your experiences into a best-selling book, and you became a dating coach for women over 40. What are some tips you have, more tips about dating? And we're not just talking 40 here, 40, 50, up, up, up, you know, keep going.

Feelings As Your Dating Compass

Ronnie Ann Ryan 15:10

Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter what your age is, the process is always the same. And if you're really open to it, it'll make you feel young again. Because when you're dating and falling in love, you're always 16. Always, always. Now, you don't have to behave like a 16-year-old or make decisions like a 16-year-old, but you sure can enjoy it like a 16-year-old. So uh my advice is to really do the inner work. You want to know what am I looking for? Not his bank account, not his portfolio, not his car or his home. But when I when I'm with him, how do I feel? Do I feel cherished? Do I feel appreciated? Do I feel expansive and like there's possibilities? Or am I watching every word I say and worried that he's not gonna find me good enough and all of these kind of things? So you really want to watch how you feel when you interact with him, when you spend time with him. And that was one of the sale selling points for my husband. I always felt calm with him, and I'm not necessarily always a calm person, so I felt like that's probably a really good idea. We're 180-degree opposites. If we were any more opposite, we would start coming around to be more like each other. But it for us, it really works. Some people don't want that, but whatever you choose, and at any age, always look for how do you feel. And this isn't one of those things where you say, well, the heart wants what the heart wants. No, because that's an excuse to accept something that's really not in your best interest, and either you think you can't find something better, or you just recognize something in that person. A lot of times we pick people that help us work out our drama. You know, relationships are uh learning ground, so the best thing you can do is be open to what you can talk to a person for a half an hour or an hour and see what you learn, see what you discover, give people a chance. There are some people who don't deserve a chance, but if somebody's kind of in the middle of the road and you're not sure, give them a chance. I I find that that's a really good um way of working through it, you know. Give people you're not sure about a chance, but anybody where you already know, they don't need a chance.

Beverley Glazer 17:45

No, move on, move on. Yeah, don't waste your time. And then what happened was, of course, COVID and people were concerned about meeting new people and going out there.

Ronnie Ann Ryan 17:57

Yeah.

COVID Shock And Business Pivot

Beverley Glazer 17:57

And you were in the dating business. What happened to your business then?

Ronnie Ann Ryan 18:02

So my clients were at that point probably mostly in their 50s and 60s, and this became the most perfect excuse to not date because they could die. So a lot of the women that I was working with were reticent about getting out there about dating. They were afraid, they didn't want to be heard again. I understand it all, but that really killed my business. Now, interestingly enough, it created enormous possibilities for the whole younger crowd. And dating coaching took off, and there was a major boom for younger people who were like, I'm not going through this alone. And they were, you know, they didn't have as many bad memories about love at that point. And so that the younger people, it just took off like crazy, both the dating and the dating coaching. So that's when I thought, all right, I have to shift gears, and I decided to really focus on the inner work, just not about dating anymore, but about life in general.

Beverley Glazer 19:01

Okay, and you became an intuitive coach. Yes. And how were you able to switch? You know, that's really a brand, it's completely different. And how would you able to switch? And people say, No, Ronnie is still credible.

Embracing Intuition And Midlife Magic

Ronnie Ann Ryan 19:17

You know, um, it's an ongoing process for sure. And I had always been using this aspect, I just didn't advertise it. So the people who already knew me sort of knew what I was about. And the people who maybe were just hanging in to get dating advice, you know, I did lose some people over time because I started my podcast, Breed, Love, and Magic. And and so uh things did shift. I'm not gonna tell you things didn't shift because I had a massive list and my website was huge. I had over a million visitors a year to my website, it was really thriving, but you know, things change and you have to reinvent yourself. That's what your program's all about. So I had to do that too.

Beverley Glazer 20:03

And so tell us about mindset and change and and what do you do now as an intuitive coach?

Staying Positive And Trusting Signals

Ronnie Ann Ryan 20:11

All right, so the way I look at life now, I know there are some hardships, but I also have found that as the energy has sped up, which is what spiritual people will be talking about all the time, that people can tune into the energy, their intuition can perk up and they can start using it, and things are not like they were even back in the early 2000s. If you're at all interested in doing anything intuitive, you can pick it up so quickly now. And so that's what I help people do. I want people to know, first of all, that you do not have to look at growth or learning or shifting mindset or any of that as hardship anymore. You can learn and shift through fun and through joy, through lightness of being, and that's what I call magic. So I'm all about the magic. I'm all about finding the easiest ways that still work. You don't have to work super hard or make it a slog or torture yourself. And I, you know, there's nothing wrong with inner child work and shadow work, but that's not what you'll do with me. I'm not gonna do those things because I want to go wherever we can go in through fun and light and enjoyment and creativity. And I find at this time there it absolutely can work for people. I've had wonderful results, and that's why I call working with the magic and midlife magic. And you know what's really amazing, Beverly? And maybe you've even talked about this with your listeners before, but as women get older and get past 50, there are physiological Biological reasons why your intuition picks up. You know, like one of the reasons is because after so many years of living, your ability to match patterns, your brain's ability to match patterns and notice things is dramatically enhanced so that you can pick up on the energy of things. So there are a number of reasons why midlife magic is a real thing because there are physiological changes in your body, and neuroscience has proven a lot of this that you really can pick up more, be more intuitive, trust it more, use it more effectively with a little more life experience.

Beverley Glazer 22:42

True, true. We have lots and lots of that. Ronnie, how do you stay so positive?

Smile Magic: Micro‑Shifts For Joy

Ronnie Ann Ryan 22:48

Oh, I work on it. I mean, trust me, I have my bad days like everyone else. But what I try to do is consider, you know, first of all, what is good, what is working. You know, when I went to coaching school, that's one of the first things they taught us. You know, it's really easy to look at all the things that aren't right. And people forget to look at all the things that are right. And there's almost always way more going the way you want it to, and we get stuck on the couple of things that just aren't working at all. So that's a shift in perspective. And every time you can shift to see the positive, what is working, or the silver lining, you know, sometimes you get a silver lining. Like I had this um opportunity to go work for this coaching company, and it was to make a lot of money, it was over $100,000, and it sounded easy, you know, and I thought, you know, how can this be? But then I thought, don't think too much, just say yes. So I decided to go for it. And then right before we were gonna go live, the uh head of this coaching group sent out an email that I'm just gonna call squirrely. It was just, it hit me, it just hit me really wrong. So I decided I pull up his picture and look at him on the internet and try to have a conversation. I call this conversation on the inner plane. And so I looked at him and I said, listen, I don't trust you. I something's off. I mean, not to his real person, I didn't say that, just to his picture. I said, something feels off. I don't know what's going on, but you're not being clear or transparent. What's going on? And I heard, um, not my problem. Now, if I was gonna make something up in my head, I never would have made up not my problem. I would have made up, don't worry, don't be silly, everything's fine, you'll see it's working out, you'll get your hundred thousand, you know, whatever, right? But that's not what I heard. I heard not my problem. And I was like, I was so taken aback because it was such a shocker. And I said, but wait a minute, don't you care that people might not trust you? And he said it again in my head. I heard it again. I thought, all right, so I I can't believe I did this, but I sent him an email. Sorry, I'm stepping out. I don't think this is the right thing for me, but I wish you all the best. And I waited a year and a half, and then I um looked, I looked the company up to see how they were doing, and I found reviews on Indeed. And one said, good idea, no money. And the other one said, um, hearts in the right place, but no funding. And I thought at the time I thought, you know, if I'm gonna work for free, I can work for myself for free. I don't have to work for somebody else for free, but that was my feeling that he did not have the funding.

Beverley Glazer 25:42

So your intuition spoke for you. What do you tell someone who lost their joy and their purpose? And they just say, and and I feel that my intuition is really, I'm going south, I'm wasting my time. Like, what's going on? Well, how can you pick that person up, Ronnie?

Takeaways, Resources, And Closing

Ronnie Ann Ryan 26:01

Well, interestingly enough, I just came up with something new uh called Smile Magic, and you can shift your viewpoint, your attitude, your mindset in very tiny ways that can make a big difference. It will take practice, but you can do it, it's very possible. And so, one of the things is if you make yourself smile, you know, I came up, I have three different ways to do it, so I'm not going to give away the whole thing. But if you just make yourself smile and then you take a deep breath, and then you go, okay, let's do it again. Then you have to smile a little more, and then you let it go, and then you take a deep breath and you do it a third time. And then if you do this with a friend, like to test this out, I did it with my husband who was in a very bad mood. And I said, Let's try this. And we couldn't stop laughing after the third time of this ridiculous smiling. I'm like, show your teeth, you know. It is true. Yeah. So smiling releases, I think, oxytocin and other things, and there are physiological reasons that this works as well, not just woo-woo mindset stuff. Yeah. But um, there's so much at hand, and things can shift if you practice. It can take some practice, but it is doable.

Beverley Glazer 27:22

Terrific. Thank you, Ronnie. Ronnie Ann Ryan is an intuitive life coach, an author, a podcast host who helps women over 50 reconnect their spark and feel truly alive. Blending intuitive insights with practical tools, Ronnie provides private coaching, group programs, readings, energy clearings designed to make transformation empowering. Ronnie is the host of Breathe, Love, and Magic, a top 5% mystical podcast, a best-selling author of six books, and she's been featured on ABC, NBC, and Fox. And that is just to name a few. Here's some takeaways from this episode. Manifestation is not magic, it's aligned action plus your belief. Treat life, life experiment. This will reduce fear and increase your momentum. And reinvention is a skill that you could learn at any age. So stay curious. If you've been relating to this episode, here are some things that you could do for yourself right now. Start an experiment. Try something small without any perfection. Stop overthinking. Listen more to your intuition and take action and create momentum. Do something different or sign up for something you've always wanted to do. For similar episodes on trusting your intuition, check out episode 162 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And if you're over 50 and love to travel, the Ageless Traveler is your number one resource for lifelong travel. Discover exciting places, luxury travel for less, grandparent and solo travel, culture and culinary experiences, and meet people who make travel really easy. That's theagelistraveler.com. And so, Ronnie, where can people find you? Please share your links.

Ronnie Ann Ryan 29:27

Okay, sure. So my website is intuitiveedge.biz. And I also have a free audio program there called How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and find it in 24 hours. And so that's intuitiveedge.biz slash sign. So it's very simple. And then of course you can find me on Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram. And LinkedIn is really my primary platform.

Beverley Glazer 29:51

Terrific. And Ronnie's links are in the show notes and on my site too. That's readventimpossible.com. And so my friends, what's next for you? Are you ready to move from stuck to unstoppable? Download my free roadmap. It's in the show notes, along with ways to collect connect with me on Women Over 50 Rock, and that's my Facebook community as well. If this conversation speaks to you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it today. And remember, you only have one life.

Announcer 30:26

Live it with purpose and passion. Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, reinventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life.