A Perfect Life And A Hidden Cost

Announcer 0:01

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer 0:19

What if your life looks perfect on the outside, but inside you're falling apart? Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a transition coach and reinvention strategist for women over 50 to help you turn a lifetime of wisdom into your most powerful next act. And you can find me on reInventimpossible.com. These episodes share raw, real stories from women who refuse to shrink, settle, or fade away. We don't sugarcoat our challenges here. We rise from them, and you'll leave with a stronger belief in yourself and a clarity about what's possible for you. Carrie Wells lived a life many of us would envy. She's a successful TV personality, an actress, a writer, an entrepreneur who's best known for the popular Bravo reality TV show Married to Medicine. But behind the scenes was another story. Kari suffered depression, PTSD, an eating disorder, and a violent robbery that left her both physically and emotionally spent. This could have broken her, but instead she chose to rebuild and turn her pain into purpose. If you've ever felt you were just holding it all together for others, but you're struggling just to get through the day, this conversation is for you. Carrie, welcome.

Kari Wells 1:58

Thank you. Hi, I'm I'm happy to be here. Thank you.

Beverley Glazer 2:03

It's a pleasure. Kari, you grew up in England, and it was a small town in England. What was it like growing up as a little girl?

Kari Wells 2:13

Very simple life. I was in I was born in Yorkshire, England, um, the youngest of seven children. And we had a, you know, we walked to school. My mom never drove. We walked everywhere. And um, it was very simple. Um, small town girl. And then when I was 17, I went on holiday to Aspen, Colorado. It was the first place I'd ever been to in America, and my eyes were opened. I I thought this was America. I thought Aspen wasn't, you know, I was very young, very naive. Um, and I I really took a liking to it. I was very impressed. I thought, oh, there's people from California, there's people from New York, of course. Um, so but my life growing up in England was quite simple initially until I would say the teen years when things kind of took off for me.

Beverley Glazer 3:11

Yeah, yeah. And did you always have a dream of being an actress?

Kari Wells 3:16

Um, I studied dance and drama in school, and it was my dream to go to uh Laban, which is a dance school in London, and train in theater. But my parents wanted me to be practical. They were Second World War babies, and so they were all about to learn a trade, you know, you have to do something, you have to learn a trade to make a living. And any dreams like that were just quashed, you know, they were not gonna pay for any of that. So um, yeah, I basically had to figure everything out on my own.

Beverley Glazer 3:53

How did you do that? Was that the reason you came to America?

Kari Wells 3:56

Um, that's the reason I started modeling to give me a pathway to be able to make enough money to travel. And I kind of always knew I wanted to leave the town I was in. I just I never really felt um, I don't know, as soon as I traveled, I always found places I loved more or I found more exotic. And I I guess I grew out of that small town.

Beverley Glazer 4:20

Yeah, you felt free.

Kari Wells 4:22

Yeah, I just I don't know. I I always felt like a more of a worldly person um rather than just a British person, which is, I mean, Yorkshire is wonderful, it's a beautiful place. Um it's it's just when I traveled, I fell in love with other places.

Beverley Glazer 4:40

Right. And so did you come to Atlanta or you went back to Aspen?

Married To Medicine And Public Life

Kari Wells 4:45

So I was living in Aspen when I met my husband, and it was because of him that I came to Atlanta. He had a medical practice there. And when we married, he was 42, and it didn't make sense for him to start off because he again, you know, here because he already had a successful medical practice. And and I had a production company here, and so I sold my production company, I sold a couple of the rental properties I had, and I moved to Atlanta to be with him. Um, that was kind of the way we decided to set up our family. So that's what brought me to Atlanta.

Beverley Glazer 5:25

Right. And in Atlanta, you eventually landed married to medicine. And I have to be a hundred percent transparent, I have never seen the show, but I did check it out. Not for everybody, nope, but I checked it out, and it's it's a reality show, but somewhat different. Yes. It's with doctors as well as other women who are married to medicine, etc., etc. And you were in the original cast.

Kari Wells 5:54

I was, yes.

Beverley Glazer 5:55

How did you land that?

Kari Wells 5:57

Um, somebody approached me, uh, Mariah Hook, who was the founder of the show, she started the show, um, approached me and asked me if I would audition for or you know, get interviewed for. She was putting together a sizzle reel of different girls that were married to doctors. And my name had come up in the Atlantic Society. So I did a an audition for Bravo, and they liked it. They loved the show, so it got picked up. But it was sold to me as kind of a medical docuseries, more so than a typical reality television show. So that's how it started, and it was fun. It was definitely stressful. I would say the first season I felt extremely stressful. Um, but it's still going after all these years, and many of the girls that were at the original cast are still on the show.

Beverley Glazer 6:54

Amazing.

Kari Wells 6:55

It's been very successful. Yes.

Beverley Glazer 6:58

Yes. And you had to get everyone on board with this because this is a reality show. They come into your life. They do.

Robbery Trauma And The Turning Point

Kari Wells 7:05

My husband, my kids were younger at the time. Um, and they, you know, they agreed to it. My husband agreed to it. Um, up until like mid-season, my husband's like, I'm kind of done with this because it wasn't what he signed up for. Um, but yeah, so I I continue, I went back as a friend. That made more sense for me.

Beverley Glazer 7:29

Okay. But here you were, you know, people see this glamorous life, and you had suffered trauma, and you know, years back, even you had a sister who died of an accidental overdose, and your identity was stolen, and you had an eating disorder. I mean, it goes on and on. And then finally, you know, you were attacked uh in a robbery. And how were you holding this all together? You had a public image as well.

Kari Wells 8:02

Well, what was interesting is when the robbery happened, I was physically, you know, knocked over the back of the head, knocked unconscious, uh, pistol whipped. And it was horrific. I mean, it was a horrific experience. Um, but looking back on that event, that was kind of the turning point of my life because it forced me to really stop and take a look at things. Um, not only was I, you know, suffering from PTSD and a lot of trauma after that, but I had to really assess everything in my life. And it was time for me to face all of the traumas that I'd been avoiding. Things from my childhood, eating disorder that I'd had growing up, um, my sister's death, and all of the things that happened since the, like you said, the identity theft and the uh employee that we'd had some issues with. And it made me sort of stop. And instead of saying to myself, which I'd been asking, why is this happening to me? Really felt like I was cursed. I mean, all of these things kept happening. And on the outside, like you said, it looked like my life was perfect because I never publicly discussed any of this. And I started asking the question, why is this happening for me? And that shift kind of from victim to student is when a light went a like a light bulb went off in my head. And I started to think, how can I turn all this around? How can I use all of this to not only heal myself, but to inspire other people at going through things, because everybody does, um, to seek healing and to really take a look at it. And I, it was uncomfortable. I had to sit with the discomfort of the trauma and sit with the discomfort of all the things I'd gone through and really look at them and sort of say, you know, how has that shaped my life? How do I want to continue my life? And how do I want to show up in the world? What do I want my legacy to be? Um, and I started asking really deep questions like, okay, instead of my to-do list, which I always had every night, I'd have like this to-do list on the side of my bed, often five or six to-do lists to do with different topics. Um, I started a to-be list. And that list was like, how do I want to be? Do I want to be calm? Do I want to be kind? Do I want to have chaos and craziness in my life, or do I want to resonate from a peaceful perspective? And and it changed. It sort of had a ripple effect through everything in my life, my health, my relationships, my work, and the choices I was making. And I realized that, you know, I kind of had a part in all of the chaos because I'd been living on this treadmill of just like one thing to the next, work, kids, you know, we got married, kid the next year, built a house the next year, another business the next year, another kid the next year. And it was like this conveyance of just non-stop.

Beverley Glazer 11:21

Yeah. Well, what it of course did was it forced you to stop. Like nothing would stop you. But what stopped you was traumatic. I mean, uh, a robbery being hit on the head, and you didn't ask for this. You were you went to the manicurist. I mean, you know, how many people do this? You do this all the time, and this was violent.

Kari Wells 11:48

Yeah, very traumatic. And um, something that you never think would happen. You know, you worry about all these things, yeah, and sometimes the things that happen are the things you never worry about. Um, so yeah, at the time it was super traumatic. And like you said, yeah, it was knocked on the head in a way that you have to pay attention to it. It's not something you can just run from and get over in the next day. You know, there there is trauma.

Beverley Glazer 12:18

Yes.

Kari Wells 12:19

Um, and for anyone suffering trauma, you really do have to have some trauma therapy so that you can process it, because often trauma stays in the front lobe, and you kind of live in that space unless you do process it.

Beverley Glazer 12:34

And and you can start becoming somewhat paranoid. Someone's following me.

Kari Wells 12:40

I was paranoid. I was, I would say until the the guys were arrested, I was just not myself at all. I was super paranoid. I had an exit plan for uh when I was in the house, I had an exit plan for when I was asleep, I had a baseball bat under my bed so I could at least, you know, get a swipe at somebody if they came in and attacked me. Um and I lived, you know, in a not myself, like just super, super paranoid and worried all the time.

Beverley Glazer 13:15

Right.

Kari Wells 13:15

Um, so it really was no way to live. And I and I I couldn't continue like that. I had to do something so I wasn't constantly that person that went into every grocery store or movie theater and was like, okay, if someone comes in and shuts the place down and locks us in, what's my plan gonna be?

Announcer 13:35

Yeah.

Kari Wells 13:35

Um it's a horrible way to live, really.

Beverley Glazer 13:39

And it has to affect your children, it had to affect your husband. Yeah, you know, and they're saying, don't worry, don't worry. And of course, that doesn't help any.

Kari Wells 13:49

It doesn't help. It's something that unless you have been through it, you really don't understand what it does to your brain because it takes you from a feeling of safety in your neighborhood and your environment and the places you always go to just living paranoid, thinking, okay, I'm not safe. I'm not safe. I'm not, and not feeling safe in your own home is horrific. You know, it's a place where you should always feel safe. Um, so yeah, I had work to do. Um, I didn't want to stay stuck in that feeling. I didn't want to remain that person for the rest of my life. Um, and so, you know, I just I took on the work because only you can only change yourself. You can never change other people, even though we always try. Um, the only person you can really change is yourself. I knew that. I'd read the books, I'd done the work. And so it was time for me to really work on myself um in a deep, meaningful, and sort of powerful way. But it took time, it wasn't overnight.

Beverley Glazer 14:56

Yeah, of course. And so, did you still stay in Atlanta?

Kari Wells 15:02

Yeah, we moved house because I didn't feel safe in the house. Um, and also my home had been on television, and so I was worried that people would know where I lived, and I felt vulnerable because of that. I didn't want my home to be filmed. Um initially I agreed to it, obviously, because I didn't think it was years ago, but I didn't want that video to remain online once I had been attacked. So we moved, and um, but even then I it it made sense for me to come. I came back to Aspen during COVID um when the kids were homeschooled, and I just felt, you know, I'm I'm home here. I I always felt home here. Um, so yeah, I made that move.

Beverley Glazer 15:50

Yeah. So tell us about your book. Uh the attitude to gratitude was your journey.

Kari Wells 15:57

I saw a trauma therapist, and initially after the robbery, and you have to speak to, you know, a lot of people the police, the FBI, detectives, there's a lot of people involved because it was because they went on to shoot three people, and they did 10 of these robberies. The FBI was involved because it was a hate crime against Asian-owned businesses. And so there was tons of, you know, the trial and somebody uh she said to me, just write everything down because you're constantly having to tell your story, and it's traumatic every time you're questioned. And so I worked hard to keep it out of the paper initially, to keep it out of the press, because I didn't want them to come after me and be able to come and get me because they had my information. And I didn't want them to link me to the person they'd robbed. So I'd kept it out of the press. And then throughout the court case and the trial, I saw this trauma therapist. And she said, write everything down, you know, you're not having to relive it every minute. And I did, and I had all these pages, and I'd written how can I heal, and I'd journaled a lot. And then about a year, maybe a year and a half later, I picked up these pages. I was reading them. I was like, my goodness, this is all this is such a story that could like inspire somebody because I'd worked on healing myself and I'd done some of the work. And so I decided to put it into a book of Easy Practices Turning Pain into Power. And I researched what are all of the problems that people have in life? Like, what are the main aggressors that take our happiness? And it's um relationships, money, um, not forgiving somebody, uh, trauma, things that have happened to yourself. So I put all these things in different chapters and I addressed how you can work on them from the work I did. But the book wasn't kind of written from a place of having everything figured out. It was me healing myself, working through these things. And then when I had done it, I thought, my God, this is a great book that could help somebody else. And that was my motivation for writing it.

Beverley Glazer 18:14

And you did that in Aspen. What is Aspen? Yeah, what does Aspen mean to you?

Kari Wells 18:19

For me, um, a lot of outdoors, it's tranquility, it's community. Um, my sister is here, my niece and nephew. So I have family, I have a lot of friends, I have community, and it's a smaller town. So you're when something happens in the town, there's a lot of community support. But even though it's a small town, we still have museums and art and things that a lot of small towns don't. So we have a lot of culture. And um I I like it. It's a it's a great place. Yeah.

Beverley Glazer 18:55

What are the challenges for you today?

Kari Wells 18:57

The challenges today are letting go, I would say. That's something I do have to work on. I am a mom of kids 20 and 21, going off there, you know, in college, but my daughter's going to grad school, and my son is in um New Orleans and Tulane. So I'm having to let go. Um, you raise your children and you are so busy raising your children that by the time they go off to college, you're kind of left a little bit adrift, I would say. I was the type of mom that would go through target. And when I saw all the college stuff when my kids were little, I'd tear up and I'd think, oh, one day that's gonna be my kids. And now that is my kids, they're gone. True, true. My work is done to a degree and letting go, letting them go live their lives and to make their own decisions and make their own mistakes and live their lives how they see fit. Um I think that's what I am working on right now.

Beverley Glazer 20:06

Yeah.

Aspen Legacy Media And Giving Back

Kari Wells 20:07

As many moms will know, it's it's challenging.

Beverley Glazer 20:10

Oh, oh yes. But you're still not done. Tell us about the Aspen Legacy Media. That's another project.

Kari Wells 20:19

Yes, Aspen on um Aspen Legacy Media Foundation is a foundation I set up because I, after the robbery and all of the things, I decided I wanted to work on doing the things I love, which is giving back and having as much fun as possible while doing it. And so I decided to, when I first came to Aspen, there was a lot of local people living in town. And what has happened since is a lot of, especially since COVID, a lot of billionaires moved in and the locals can't afford to live here. Many of the locals have to live an hour away, some two hours away, because the housing is so expensive, the rent is so expensive. And it's the typical thing that happens in a lot of towns when you know you have a lot of wealthy people. There's over a hundred billionaires that have homes here. So it's become super expensive. And so I wanted something that gives back. It tells the story of Aspen and the culture and the artists and the musicians and the people that make the place great. And each episode gives back to a local nonprofit. So we filmed season one, and we're trying to get it picked up with Roku or Visio or um Netflix. We're in the process of those talks. And we'll see where it goes. But it's a way of bridging the gap and also showing a really fun side of Aspen and a very authentic side of Aspen that people most likely don't know because they just kind of see the billionaire postcard view, which is not the real story of the community.

Beverley Glazer 21:56

Lovely. For someone who's going through their own struggles. Right now and are listening to you. What would you tell them, Kari?

Kari Wells 22:04

I would say the first thing is be your own best friend. You know, many people can be a great friend to others, but they're not as kind to themselves. They don't tell themselves with their internal dialogue the same things that they would tell a dear and trusted friend. And I think that's the most important thing. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Because with healing and with trauma, it's all relative. For one person, they can get over something quicker than another person. And of course, there are degrees of trauma. So I think being kind and seeking community, whether that's through a podcast like this, whether it's through an online group, whether it's through an in-person group or friend, you know, friend, just reaching out to one person and letting them know how you feel. And I think that's the first step, because people often isolate. They maybe feel guilt thinking I should be over this. And I always say, take out the word should. Like there's nothing you should or shouldn't be doing. You just need to be kind to yourself and seek help. You know, if you feel you need help, tell your physician or tell somebody. And through community and kindness, I think there's a lot that can be done for healing and sharing these kind of stories because you really don't know when you look at a person from the outside what they've been through. And I think the more open and authentic people are, it inspires others to do the same. And we all go through stuff, everybody does, and we all will continue to go through stuff as the human experience. Um, but it's it's having some tools that can sort of get you through those times easier, I would say.

Practical Healing Steps And Next Links

Beverley Glazer 24:05

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Kari. Kari Wells is an author, a television personality, and an entrepreneur, and best known for her role on Bravo's reality show, Married to Medicine. Today she focuses on helping others transform their pain through gratitude, healing, and authentic storytelling. Carrie is the author of From Attitude to Gratitude and the founder of the Aspen Legacy Media Foundation, where she continues to inspire others to live with intention and resilience. Here are a few takeaways from this episode. The life people see on the outside doesn't always reflect the real truth. Sharing your story can become a source of purpose. And you don't have to be defined by what happened to you. You can rise from it. If you've been relating to this episode, here's some actions to take right now. List three things you're grateful for every single day. Even on the hard days, you can find something. Stop minimizing your own pain, acknowledge it, and reach out for support. A friend, a therapist, a coach, or someone you trust. For similar episodes on healing, check out episode number 147, Finding Your Voice After Trauma, and 154, Reinvention and Healing Through Music. And if you love podcasts for older women, the Fit Strong Women Over 50 podcast for the Becoming Ellie community shares insights from experts to say fit and strong. That's becoming elie.com. And so Carrie, where can people find you? Please share your links.

Kari Wells 25:57

So I'm on Instagram at Kari Wells with a K K-A-R-I-Wells underscore. On my website, you can find me at KariWellsofficial.com.

Beverley Glazer 26:09

Wonderful. You can find Kari also, if you didn't catch those links on my website as well. That's reinventimpossible.com. And so my friends, what's next for you? If you're ready to move from stuck to unstoppable, download my free roadmap and that's in the show notes, along with ways to connect with me on and my Facebook community, Women Over50 Rock. If this conversation speaks to you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it today. And remember, you have only one life, so live it with purpose and passion.

Announcer 26:49

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, reinventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life.