Welcome: Starting Over After 50 When Life Falls Apart

Announcer 0:01

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Growing Up Poor With Big Dreams and Deep Resilience

Beverley Glazer 0:19

What if peace is something you can find even in the midst of your struggle? Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverly Glazer, a transition coach and reinvention strategist for women over 50, helping you turn a lifetime of wisdom into your most impactful next act. And you can find me and this podcast at reInventimpossible.com. These episodes share raw, real stories from women who refuse to shrink, settle, or fade into the woodwork. We don't sugarcoat our challenges here. We rise from them, and you'll leave with a stronger belief in yourself and a greater clarity about what you can do too. Dr. Dravon James is a transformation specialist, a speaker, an author, and founder of the Next Step Leadership Academy. She is the creator of the Everyday Peace Philosophy and the author of Freedom is Your Birthright. With more than three decades in healthcare, leadership, and coaching, she has devoted her life to helping women turn life's challenges into greater peace, purpose, and personal growth. But behind all this wisdom is a much deeper story. Dr. Dravon grew up in poverty in the south side of Chicago, but she had dreams that stretched far beyond her circumstances. Over the years she faced divorce, single parented, grief, and the devastating loss of her mother, all while continuing to serve and believe that her best years are ahead of her. If you've ever had to build after heartbreak or need to gain power in midlife and beyond, this conversation is for you. And stay with us until the very end, and then I'll be sharing you takeaways and actions that you can start using for yourself right now. And so, Dr. Javon, welcome. Oh, thank you. I'm so happy to be here with you today. Dr. Javon, what was it like for you growing up in poverty and you were also the oldest of three? What was it like back in the day?

Dr. Dravon James 2:41

Well, I often tell people you don't know you're in poverty. And I don't know, I didn't grow up rich, but I wonder if the rich know that they're rich because everybody around you is in the same circumstance. So you just feel quite ordinary and quite normal. Um, I, you know, there were there was a lot of responsibility, I mean for sure. You know, I realize that now as an adult and you know, having parented children, I realized, well, I was I had a lot of adult responsibility very early on, but I had a very loving mom, a very loving community, and a very a mom who had such huge faith that I think about that. In fact, um we just uh my brother and sister and I just collectively had this moment this this week. We were just bringing up things my sister may have been going through some of my moms who passed away a few years ago, some of her books, and just realizing how much she had instilled in us that was beyond anything you could purchase, right? And maybe it was because of those situations that I had the resilience and the wherewithal to know that if it's gonna be, it truly is up to me, right? And so what it was like was not actually as easy as the childhood as my children had, I'll tell you that. But it was one that gave me a knowing that uh yeah, this too shall pass and I'll remain strong through it.

Beverley Glazer 3:56

Yeah, you were an introvert, and yet you were drawn to the stage. You wanted to be an actress. Where did that come from?

An Introvert Called to the Stage and a “Safe” Career Path

Dr. Dravon James 4:03

Oh, this is a beautiful story that I think about almost daily. In fact, I had a huge audition yesterday and I thought about this story. When I was in the third grade, and those women who are of my age, your audience, will remember this. We used to listen to plays on albums. And this particular day uh in third grade, we were listening to an album called Ladies First. It was a play about a little girl who wanted to be first at everything. And it was raining outside, and the teacher had us all sitting on a little carpet and we're listening to that, and we were going to audition that for a play. And I just knew that I would be the lead. I was perfect, I understood the story. I got cast as a, I don't know, maybe part of the chorus or something. And it's fourth grade, we did the play again, and I wanted to get the lead. I got cast as a tree. And so what I remembered, I learned all the lines and and I knew at that moment it was I I loved reading. I loved um, I then became a lover of literature and uh stage and theater, but I knew at third grade that I wanted to be an actress. That's what I wanted in my heart and soul. Uh, and so I'm very fortunate in that I'm getting to pursue that dream. But yeah, I knew very early on.

Beverley Glazer 5:17

But that little girl became a pharmacist.

Dr. Dravon James 5:20

Okay, how did that happen? So another quite interesting story. I auditioned for a play in my hometown. At that time, we were living in a small town named Springfield, Massachusetts. And I auditioned, I was in uh 11th grade, I auditioned for a community theater and over the summer, just doing something fun. And the play got really bad reviews. But the writer of that, the the the reporter said the only reason to go see this play is because of this little girl. That little girl was me.

Beverley Glazer 5:52

That'll do it.

Dr. Dravon James 5:54

And so I was convinced I'm in 11th grade, right? And I told my mom, I gave her the news, it was in the newspaper. I said, Mom, look at what they wrote about me. Well, my mom could only fixate on the fact that in that play there was a kissing scene, right? Which I had never told her about, so she saw that, and she was not happy about that. And she was not happy about the fact that I would be thinking about doing something in her mind, which wasn't a solid career. I was a great science and math student, but my love was literature. I was taking advanced literature classes, and my mother said to me, You will go and get a doctor's degree. And and where she failed, it was to say it had to be medical doctor. You know, it was implied. But anyway, I wouldn't I went and complied with what she sold me. And I love pharmacy. I've always had a heart to give. So I've been lucky to be able to work out the left side and the right side of my brain, and it's worked out really well for me. And then you got married. I did, I did. I got married to what was the love of my life. Um, and uh, you know, stayed married for over 25 years and you know, had two beautiful children, two beautiful children. And I I I would say uh about marriage is that I was wanting the fairy tale. And I was, you know, I told you I grew up knowing that if it's gonna be, it's up to me. I was willing to put the work in. And so um, you know, I kept my head in the sand, and one day the light bulb went off, and I said, okay, it's time to move on. Phase two of my life, move on.

Late-Life Divorce, Single Parenting, and Keeping It Together

Beverley Glazer 7:30

The fairy tale can end. Yes, yes, yes. Uh, but how did that end? You know, it's easy to say, okay, we changed chapters, it's not easy.

Dr. Dravon James 7:40

No, I tell people all the time a lot happens between the decision to divorce and the actual divorce. In fact, I'm I I made the decision, I still remember the day that I made the decision to divorce and to the actual event, maybe four years, because I didn't want to have my children. I still had a son. My daughter was in college, uh, maybe just well, she was in high school, finishing up high school, and my son was just getting ready to go into high school. And I thought, well, I just don't want to do that to them. And so um we lived in a household where my heart was being ripped out, but my children did not know that we were divorcing, right? Um, we lived there and uh we managed to get we divorced the same year that my son graduated from high school. And I told people I would never recommend this. But again, I was that person who was willing to put the work in. I wanted my children to come from a two-parent home. And I wanted them not to have the stress of being, you know, you're in high school, but in my mind, hustle and bustle between households and this and that. When you're in high school, quite honestly, your kids, I realize now don't even notice you. Right.

unknown 8:53

Right?

Dr. Dravon James 8:53

They be like, oh mom, you're still alive, right? They don't notice you. But I was so fixated on I this is what I had decided um parenthood should look like. And I was willing to put myself through a tremendous amount of stress to give that the appearance to my children. And so many, many years later, both my kids are out of college, out of grad school, and I realized, wow, that was not necessary. And not and and actually not wise, I wouldn't recommend it. It was hard, yes. No, it was hard.

Beverley Glazer 9:24

Yeah, and then you became a single parent too, and that's not easy, also. And you also have a career. Uh, did you have any support?

The Kitchen Floor Wake-Up Call: “Are You Happy?”

Dr. Dravon James 9:33

Well, I I do. I had my mom, and during all this, my mom passed, so it's just really challenging, right? But I have I'm the oldest of three. So I have my brother and my sister um who live nearby, and it was uh, I I I can't tell you. Um, most people know about a support network. Again, being a loner, you know, I'm an introvert, um, and it's not not in a bad way, because I love, I can be the ball the bell of the party, right? I can be the bell of the ball, but I draw my energy from self. But having that support system, especially for my children, on the days when I just couldn't keep it together, you know, um, made such a big difference. I don't think I could have done it as successfully. And believe me, there were many falling down and getting up. I don't want to make it seem like it was just smooth sailing. There were days, but I just didn't know whether I was coming or going, you know, because as you said, I was still working full-time and you know, and here on top of everything else, trying to figure out how to get finance one kid out of college, one kid into college. It was just a lot going on.

Beverley Glazer 10:35

And when did you finally get your personal power and say, okay, I am going to rise from all this?

Dr. Dravon James 10:45

This is very interesting. In the midst of all of this, and this journey started in 2015. In the midst of this, I remember I was also got diagnosed with autoimmune disease. And so I was lying on my kitchen floor. I couldn't didn't have enough strength to stand up and cook dinner. I had to keep lying on the floor because it was cool down on the floor. And I remember just lying on the floor and asking myself, you know, are you happy? Now who would ask that? You know, um, I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I got fired from a job and I was going for a divorce. And um And your mom? And my mom was still alive then. We didn't know she was sick at all. So just she was still alive then. Her death was a surprise to us all. We were on vacation and it just was a surprise. Oh so, but I was lying on that kitchen floor and I said to myself, Are you happy? Who asked that question? No job, marriage is failing, and autoimmune disease. And I said, Yeah, I'm pretty happy. And I thought, who said then? Right? And I lied there on the floor. I said, I am not, I'm not happy with the circumstances, but I am happy with me. And it was on that floor. In fact, I wrote my first book, Freedom is your birthright, during this time period, and I thought, I'm gonna use my life journey, what's happening to me now. I hope that some part of it will help somebody else be able to say, in their darkest moments, that look like the darkest moments, I wouldn't want anybody to, I wouldn't trade places with the woman who's lying on that floor, right? But I'm not unhappy. And so there was something inside of me that I had been building for years, and that was me. I had been building her for years, and I attribute that to the strong leadership that I had in my mom, that my circumstances do not determine my worth or value, right? I actually did love Drayvon, all her faults and failures and misjudgments. I loved her.

Beverley Glazer 12:46

And you also started practicing forgiveness, and that meant an awful lot.

Dr. Dravon James 12:52

Yeah.

Beverley Glazer 12:52

Oh my gosh.

Dr. Dravon James 12:54

So forgiveness had been something that I, yeah, I was that kid who was always walking around with a recorder trying to record my talks, as I called them back then. So I've been studying this and really studying it since I was 18 years old. And um, I thought I had a really strong forgiveness practice. I'd had to forgive a lot of things. And I wrote a book called Um Forgiveness, the Pathway to Happiness. And I talked about my first instance of really forgiving was forgiving my dad, my birthday. And did I little did I know my forgiveness practice was not healthy. I had decided, again, this believing if it's going to be is up to me. So I never blamed anybody else. I always blamed myself. I thought if this relationship didn't work, what was something I could do better? You know, if this situation didn't work. And so it was putting all this pressure on me, whereas I could forgive anybody for anything. And believe me, I was being put to the test. But it was me that I wasn't forgiving. I was, you know, Draven, you could do that better. Draymond, you could say that better. You know, finally I realized when I started writing this book and doing all this research, that the first person I had to forgive was me for being so hard on me, even though I loved me. But I you you cannot punish your way to growth, sustainable growth. You cannot. Right? You praise your way to sustainable growth by being honest and open about where your areas of improvement lie. But you say to yourself, I still love you, I still love you. And I was saying that part, but I was constantly saying, okay, if you only did this better, if you only learn to be quiet, you talk too much, if you only learn not to be so bossy, look at you, you want to control everything. And I was critiquing myself so hard at the end of the day. You know, I had to get out of that. And I had to learn to forgive myself and really, really, really practice just this authentic freeing forgiveness of everybody else. Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself.

Beverley Glazer 14:54

What is your everyday peace philosophy? That sounds so interesting.

Dr. Dravon James 15:00

Oh my goodness. So um every day we have opportunities. Our life is if we take our day and we cut it up into a jigsaw puzzle, if we remove even one piece of that jigsaw puzzle, it could be the most painful thing. It could be, it could be the day I decided to divorce, then my puzzle is incomplete. So I need every bit of my day, right? I need every bit of my day to make my complete life in pieces, nothing missing, no pieces of my puzzle missing, nothing broken, right? All things together make a whole of me and being able to move forward with a happy, and and you're not always happy, like smiling, but a better word for happy is joy, right? That internal presence. I just love the way the word happy lands on my in my physical being, but it's joy, this internal joy of knowing that in this moment I am, and I get to put whatever word I want after the phrase, I am. I'm growing, I'm learning, right? I'm becoming right. Beautiful.

Beverley Glazer 16:08

You say freedom is your birthright.

Dr. Dravon James 16:11

What does that mean? It means that freedom is not free, first of all. It's so easy for to let someone else define what this, what a late, what a late life divorce means, right? What a divorce I remember telling my mom, mom, who gets divorced after 20 some years of marriage? And she said to me, many people do.

Beverley Glazer 16:32

For sure.

Dr. Dravon James 16:33

You know, it wasn't on my radar for sure. She said, many people do. And she didn't add anything else to it. No judgment, no, you should, no, you should. Just many people do. You're not alone, sweetheart. Right? So um this freedom is your birthright, is that we get to give every circumstance in our life the meaning that it has. It's just a thing until we decide what it is. It's just a thing. We decide that this is the happiest day of my life or this is the saddest day of my life. Maybe this is a day that I learned the most about myself, right? We make those decisions. So freedom freedom is your birthright, it's really about teaching us how to make the decision that would lead us to our most joyous path.

Beverley Glazer 17:20

What's one final word that you'd like to tell everyone, Jravon?

Dr. Dravon James 17:25

Is that you are enough right where you are today, whether you purchase the book, whether you don't purchase the book, whether you listen to the podcast, whether you don't listen to the podcast, it starts with you knowing that today you are enough and you are equipped enough to be successful in the situation that you are. Whatever you have inside you will guide you to your next step. Look within. Beautiful.

Beverley Glazer 17:51

Dr. Javon James is a transformation specialist, a speaker, an author, the founder of the Next Step Leadership Academy, where she helps women use everyday experience to reach their next level of greatness. She is the creator of the Everyday Peace Philosophy and the author of Freedom is Your Birthright. With more than three decades experience in healthcare as a pharmacist, a radio host, a coach, an actress, Dr. Javon brings wisdom, faith, and resilience to her work, guiding women to create more peace, purpose, and possibility in business and in life. Here's some takeaways from this episode. Peace is not something to wait for, it's something you can practice daily. Starting over in midlife is courage, not failure. And wisdom begins when you stop letting pain define your future. If you've been relating to this episode, here are some actions you can take for yourself right now. Choose one thing to forgive, not because it's okay, but because you deserve freedom. Stop dealing with yourself as your last broken chapter. It matters, but it's not your whole identity. And remind yourself, the best years are ahead. And that's because you're still here, still growing, and still capable of more. For similar episodes on peace and freedom, check out Recovery from PTSD, that's episode number 121. And from Healing from Betrayal, episode 177 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And if you love stories of unapologetic older women, check out Reinvention Rebels. That's reinventionrebels.com. And so, Dr. Dravan, where can people find you? Please share your links so they can get in touch with you.

Dr. Dravon James 19:51

So you can find me on social media platforms. I'm on all of them TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, you name it, my website and drdravonjames.com, and I'm on Sirius XM Radio Channel 146, the first Monday of every month.

Beverley Glazer 20:06

Perfect. And all Dr. Javon's links are in the show notes, and they're on my site too. That's reInventimpossible.com. And so, my friends, what's next for you? Are you ready to move from stuck to unstoppable? Download my free road map, and that's in the show notes. And please add us to your playlist and share it with a friend. And remember, you only have one life, so live it with purpose and passion.

Announcer 20:35

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website reinventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life.