When life changes overnight

Announcer 0:06

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer 0:34

What do you do when your life changes in a heartbeat and everyone is counting on you? Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a work and life transition coach and reinvention strategist for women over 50, helping you bridge the gap between the life you've built and the life you want to live next. And you can find me and this podcast at reinventimpossible.com. These conversations share powerful stories from exceptional women who faced private challenges and found the courage to use their wisdom, strengths, and lived experience to create a meaningful next chapter. We don't sugarcoat our challenges here. We learn from them, grow through them, and discover what's possible on the other side. Deb Creer is a strategic advisor for executives facing cancer and founder of Trying Not to Die. And your cancer coach, live. Deb survived stage three cancer and many life-threatening complications and continued to run her business throughout her treatment. If you've ever faced a diagnosis, carried a private crisis, or had to keep showing up while your life was falling apart, this conversation is for you. And stay with us

From Stage 0 to Stage III Breast Cancer

Beverley Glazer 2:10

till the end for key takeaways and simple actions that you could do for yourself too. So welcome, Deb.

Deb Krier 2:18

Hello, my dear. I am so honored to be here. I was listening to your other podcasts. They are phenomenal.

Beverley Glazer 2:25

Thank you so much. And you were one of these people now that lived two lives that was for you. Yeah. Well, you had the pre-cancer life. And today, what was it like before you had that diagnosis?

Deb Krier 2:45

You know, I was just going merrily along. I was in my early 50s. Um, and you know, just living life the way you're supposed to. You know, I had my own company that I had founded. Oh, at that point, it would have been about 15 years before. We lived in Atlanta. We had moved here from Colorado a couple years before my diagnosis. And just living the good life, right? You know, and and then they said, oh, golly gee.

Beverley Glazer 3:15

Right. But you didn't think it was a big golly gee. You just had a regular, yeah. So what happened there?

Deb Krier 3:21

Well, initially they said um that it was stage zero breast cancer, which meant pre-cancer, right? And they just, you know, we're going to watch it. They didn't, I didn't get an oncologist. Um, and you know, and so really I was thinking, huh, not a big deal. Um, you know, and and spent several months along those those lines until we did a little bit more in-depth testing and found that uh eight of 12 lymph nodes were positive for cancer. And so I went from stage zero to stage three, just poof. Um, you know, and and so that was quite the quite the shock.

Beverley Glazer 3:58

Yeah. And I mean, a shock hits everybody. Yeah. And how did you handle that from that first appointment?

Deb Krier 4:08

I was annoyed. I mean, I really was just annoyed. And and you know, and and of course, the first thing when somebody tells you you have cancer is you your brain kind of shorts out, but then you think, I'm gonna die. Well, of course, we're all gonna die. But um, but you think, wow, you know, that that has just really changed things. And and I do remember thinking, I just don't have time for this. You know, this is this is an annoyance. And you know, my and I actually told that to my doctor, and she looked at me like silly girl, silly girl, you know. Um, and but I I I really did think, well, this is not gonna slow me down. Of course, it did. It really slowed me down.

Beverley Glazer 4:51

Okay.

Deb Krier 4:51

But um, but yeah, it was it really was just kind of one of those things where it was an annoyance.

Beverley Glazer 4:58

Okay, so you were upset. And yeah, there's anger, there's fear, there's you don't know what hit you. And and so you went from that and you ended

Septic Shock: Fighting for Her Life

Beverley Glazer 5:09

up having your first operation.

Deb Krier 5:11

I did. And my first operation was to save my life. Um, I developed a complication after chemotherapy, after my first round of chemotherapy, um, I got uh went into septic shock. So I had sepsis, and then that progressed to septic shock very quickly. Um, you know, and and luckily we're five minutes from the hospital, and my doctor had lost a patient from the exact same complication. So she knew what it was. Um, and they knew, you know, they needed to operate. And the surgeon, God bless his little heart, said, Why are we gonna bother? She'll be gone by midnight. And I remember thinking, I can hear you. Now, my husband said the conversation was a little bit different than that, but he said, No, that really was the gist of it. And my oncologist told him, Excuse me, you will do whatever you can. And obviously he did save my life. Um, but but yeah, it was it was very strange because then I spent seven weeks in the hospital, in and out of lots of surgeries, in and out of ICU, um, you know, a lot of other complications. At one point, I had 10 different doctors that would see me every day. And that was rather confusing because my little brain was was very befuddled by everything. And I, you know, I didn't even know who some of them were. They just flit in, they'd ask a question or two, and they'd flip back out.

Beverley Glazer 6:32

Right, right. And not to mention this happened so fast you didn't know whether you're coming or right.

Deb Krier 6:38

You know, I I had the chemo treatment, uh, then Halloween happened, and you know, like the the next two days, I think, after that. Trick-or-treaters, I handed out candy, all sorts of things. And then, you know, a couple of days after that, I started feeling kind of puny, but I'd had eight different chemo drugs. And so I, you know, I was kind of expecting that I would feel bad. And you know, and and then it went from feel bad to oh, call an ambulance, call an ambulance now. Um, and luckily my husband was home because you know, the first day or two he had gone to work because I was fine. Um, and uh, you know, and and he did, he called the ambulance, and that was very entertaining. You know, the the cute fireman showed up and you know and um but yeah, it was it really was very strange because I went from doing pretty good to circling the drain.

Beverley Glazer 7:32

And that wasn't your first rodeo, or maybe that was, and then they continued. It did, it continued.

Deb Krier 7:39

Um, you know, I like I said, I did have multiple complications. Um uh when I finally, you know, was now I had decided that I was gonna have traditional treatment. And I tell everybody, you've got to pick what's gonna work best for you because you know, if you don't believe it's gonna work, then it's not gonna work. And but I had worked for an oncologist and I worked for the American Cancer Society, so I knew just enough to be dangerous, right? Um, and but I chose traditional, excuse me. So I was gonna do chemo, then surgery, then radiation.

Treatment Choices And Long-Term Complications

Deb Krier 8:10

So when I finally got better, um, enough that obviously they discharged me from the hospital, I um had a double mastectomy and I had decided not to do um reconstructive surgery. You know, I'm old, I I didn't need those anymore. Um, and you know, and and so, but I got a complication from that that my doctor had never seen. You know, it was I I'd show back up at the hospital and they're like, you're back, you know. Um, and you know, and and that that they fixed really pretty quickly. Um, and then I I had no problems with radiation, which was actually unexpected because I, you know, I am a redhead that you know, with the you know, I walk to the mailbox and I get a sunburn. And so we had thought that that radiation might cause no problems there. Um, but yeah, then then things kind of went back up in a in a good direction. Now the the septic shock has very severely damaged my kidneys. Um at some point, we may have to do something where we're dealing with those. But um I I've I now I get lots of kidney stones. We've gone in five times and taken out kidney stones.

Beverley Glazer 9:21

Oh wow. So your husband is pretty experienced in taking you to the hospital.

Deb Krier 9:28

He is, you know, and and uh it's in fact it it it breaks your heart, you know, because all I have to do is really grimace. And he's what do we need to do? What do I need to do? You know, and and it's been 11 years now. Um, and but yeah, he knows, you know, we need to do this. And and there are times where he has said, I think we need to go. And I'm like, no, no, I'm okay. Oh, you know, right? But you know, it was certainly not anything that he had planned to do. Um, but I definitely would not be here if it wasn't for him. Um, you know, he he had to to really become that primary caregiver and and work and do everything else. And and you know, it was it was a major undertaking for him.

Beverley Glazer 10:16

Did you feel guilty? Oh, yes, trying to spare him what you were going through.

Deb Krier 10:21

I just splashed myself with my water. Um, you know, I did. I felt guilty. Um I, you know, it was because I I like I said, I could see how much it bothered him, how much it hurt him. Sure. You know, and and and I I did. I really felt bad that because of me, he was going through that. He never complained, ever. Now, he might have to somebody else, but he certainly didn't say anything to me. But he also had to deal with me when I would get mad. And, you know, when I would cry. Now I'm I am not a crying person. And so, but there were a couple of times where it was just, you know, and one of the times when they were taking me back in for yet another surgery, um, I looked at him and I said, What did I do? What did I do to deserve this? And I started to cry, then he got very upset. And then I felt really bad, right? That I had gotten in very upset. But yeah, we do. We feel guilty that the people who love and care for us are having to deal with this.

Beverley Glazer 11:23

But most people would have stopped working, but not you, Deb. So why? Why did you continue?

Deb Krier 11:31

Well, I paused. I needed to pause for a while because I had some pretty massive infections um that that were and and they messed with my brain, right? Um, and you know, I had a lot of surgery, so a lot of anesthesia, and so I developed some aphasia, and still every once in a while the words will just be gone. Um, now yeah, might just be also that I'm getting older, right? We we all know that. But um, and and so yeah, I it was uh it was a way though, when I was able to work again to give me something to think about, something to focus on. And I love what I do and I love my clients. Um, you know, and and so as soon as I could, I went back to work, explaining to them what was going on, knowing that they very well might say, we need somebody that is gonna be more reliable, I still work with them 11 years later. Um, you know, and and so that's just wonderful. They were absolutely fabulous. And and they take everything in stride. You know, I'm I am still in active treatment. I go in every 21 days, and so I lose a day or two, um, and they're just fine with that.

When Cancer Changes Your Marriage

Beverley Glazer 12:40

What about friends through this journey?

Deb Krier 12:44

That's been interesting. Yeah, there were some that are gone, you know, and and I don't know why. I don't know if it was that they didn't want to deal with their own mortality or they just, you know, thought, ooh, ick, don't want to deal with that. Um, you know, but some of the other people that have stepped up have been incredible. And I've just been astounded and amazed at that. Um, you know, and and people who would send me gifts and things, and I wasn't always quite sure who they were, uh, but they they cared. I mean, one of the the nicest gifts I got, and they were all wonderful, and I still have them all, um, but it was a handmade teddy bear. And you can tell it, and it was just like, oh, and but the note that came along with it said, before we, you know, explained who had made it, but then it said, our church choir prayed over this before I sent it. Oh my. What she didn't know was that I spent a good portion of my life in church choirs. Um, you know, and and so that, you know, and so that has a very special place in the house where the dogs and the cats and you know, any any little visitors can't get to it.

Beverley Glazer 13:59

Right. So people come, people go, good people do stay. Yeah. Now, anyone listening to you would see that you use an awful lot of humor here. How does humor help you?

Deb Krier 14:14

Well, there are actually physical things that laughing does, right? You know, it's it's um, and and you know, places like the Mayo Clinic have have studied things like this. And so we do know that it's it's real. But I've always been kind of dopey like this. Like when the fire department and the ambulance people were lugging me off to the hospital, I was joking and carrying on with them. Um, but I also it it is how I cope, you know. Sometimes it's obviously very self-deprecating humor, sometimes a little gallows humor. You know, somebody might, you know, how are you doing? And I'll say, Well, I'm not looking up at six feet of dirt. Um, you know, and and but I also, you know, all of my care team, and I have six, seven different doctors um, because of all the complications and things. And I am actually on my third diagnosis of cancer now. Um, and so I I want to make them laugh because they have really hard jobs. Um, my kidney doctor, she uh always I I go in every three months to see her, and all of a sudden I had with the last appointment. It didn't matter

Leading Through Cancer While Running a Business

Deb Krier 15:20

to me, I don't care. Um, and I said something about that. Or she she might have said, Hey, did you notice I make you my last appointment? And I said, Well, yeah, that's because I throw your schedule off because I talk too much. And she laughed and she said, No, you make me laugh, and I like having my day end with that. You know, and and so if I can make them laugh, I'm going to.

Beverley Glazer 15:41

Yeah. What has this very difficult and you're still on it? What has this very difficult journey taught you about fear that others don't know because they haven't been through it?

Deb Krier 15:55

Right. It's there. You can't ignore it. You shouldn't ignore it. Um, there are days where they're bad days. Um, and and you know, certain times where it's just, you know, the the what ifs. And so, excuse me, I give myself the grace to feel that. Um, you know, I I I I laugh that you know, I've had three other di or three diagnoses. My, you know, breast cancer, I have not had anything come up for 11 years since that initial diagnosis, which is really good, but it is still there and it will always be there kind of over your shoulder. And so you're always thinking, what if and

Friends Who Disappear and Gifts That Stay

Deb Krier 16:40

when? Um, you know, and and I know a lot of people go through that, and you know, depending on what type of illness they have, if they cough, if they feel a lump, if they, you know, any of those things, their mind immediately goes to, uh-oh, um, you know, and and and you know, and or anytime we have tests, right? I get poked and prodded and tested and I glow in the dark now. And you never get the results right away. I mean, you can't. Um, and that that time period in there, usually a day or two, sometimes a little bit longer, that those are our hard times because you're thinking, what if? What if? Um, you know, and and then when you get the thing that pops up and and on your phone or your email and says, my chart has a test result, you gotta stop and you know, take a couple deep breaths and then you open it. And you know, usually it's okay, but you know, it it that fear is always there.

Beverley Glazer 17:39

Yeah. And why do you think that high-performing people really suffer with a cancer diagnosis more than others?

Deb Krier 17:49

Would you say I think it's because for one thing, we expect so much of ourselves. We like to be in control and in charge, you know, and all of a sudden we're not, our body has betrayed us. And those people in those white lab coats are the people who are kind of in charge. Now, ultimately, we're the people who are in charge. But we also think so many people are depending on us, and we we don't want to let them down, you know, and and so a lot of times people who are you know corporate leaders, business owners, they they don't want to tell anyone that this is what's going on. And fortunately, most cases you don't have to, right? It's only when you've you know you've got a more advanced diagnosis or a more severe case that you know people are gonna be able to tell. So many times they don't. You just never know. Um but we go through this. Well, I can't tell because people won't think I can do my job, they won't think I can run my company, all of those various things.

Beverley Glazer 18:54

Yeah, and particularly when it's family too. You don't want people to worry. You want to let people know that I'm in control, I'm okay, even when you're not okay.

Deb Krier 19:04

Right,

Finding humor in the hardest days

Deb Krier 19:05

right. You know, and I tell people, you've got to be honest, right? You know, if now, if it's you know, somebody like the you know, the the you know, clerk at the grocery store, how are you doing? Oh, she doesn't really care, right? She's just being polite. But if it is someone that is honestly asking and they truly care, it's okay to say, it's kind of a bad day. Now you don't have to go into a lot of detail, but you know, they they also can't help you if you're not honest with them. And you know, and and so it's okay to say, you know, it's it's a really good day, or you know, or hey, I need some help with this project, or I need somebody to go to the store for me, or something like that. And uh, you know, one of the things that that we all know, but we ignore, is the fact that asking for help is the strongest thing we can do.

Beverley Glazer 20:03

And so you also say, Deb, that people need support, yes, but they need more than that. They need strategy. What do you mean by that?

Deb Krier 20:13

Right. Well, you know, especially when you're trying to run a business, is we need to figure out what needs done, by whom. Uh, you know, I I talk to people when I'm working with, you know, executives, I'm not dealing with their medical information. I shouldn't. I mean, you know, that's that is not anything I should be doing. But I want to know if their business is going to survive this. And maybe they don't want it to. You know, they might say, I have new priorities now, just gonna be done. But, you know, so we want to we want to work with them so that the business does survive, if that's what the the goal is. And one of the hardest things, and now I'm very type A personality,

Scan Anxiety and Living With Uncertainty

Deb Krier 21:00

right? Type I, oh yeah, you know, I'm I'm one of those people. And for me, delegating, and it still is really hard, because not only do I think nobody else can do it the way I can do it, I I also think, well, what if they do it better? And then of course, the the smart part of my brain kicks in and says, cool, all right. What if they do have a better way to do it? Um, you know, and and I think that's one of the the challenges is you know, we work with really smart people. So let's let them be really smart.

Beverley Glazer 21:39

What's the most helpful thing that someone said to you when you were going through the treatment?

Deb Krier 21:46

Yeah, oh, they said really unhelpful things. And you know, and it was funny, and but I always knew they meant well. And and so that was fine. You know, I I would just kind of nod and think, really? Um I think that the most helpful ones were the people. That said, feel what you're going to feel. It's okay. You know, you don't have to always be the strong one. And you know, and I think that that really made a difference. And then the people who asked very specific questions, not just, Beverly, just tell me if there's anything I can do to help, right? Because our brains have shorted out and we can't think of anything. But when they were very specific, can I bring you lunch? Can I do this? Can I, those are the helpful things.

Beverley Glazer 22:30

Yeah. For someone who's just received a life-changing diagnosis, Deb, what do you want them to remember?

Deb Krier 22:38

Breathe. You know? And you know, because we do, we just we panic, especially when you are told, you know, that that you have something that is very serious. Don't go to Dr. Google. Dr. Google is not your friend, and AI really is not your friend. Um, but feel what you're going to feel. It's okay. You know, you are angry. You're grieving. You know, the life you had planned has changed. It's okay to grieve. Um, you know,

The Hardest Leadership Skill: Asking for Help

Deb Krier 23:10

be angry, cry, throw stuff, do whatever, and then plan, you know, get and and that's that's the thing we need. What are we gonna do next? Now it might not always work out, right? You might end up in the hospital for seven weeks, but you know, you still need to to kind of compose yourself. And the the next thing you need to think about is who are you gonna tell and what are you going to tell them? You know, and and because your your employees, your co-workers, they don't need all of it, but they need a little something. Um, you know, and and and you want to control that narrative. Otherwise, they make it up, and we never make it up in a good way, right? Some for some reason we always go to the worst case scenario. So control that narrative um and and let them know a little bit of what's going on.

Beverley Glazer 23:59

Yeah, very good points. Thank you, Deb. Deb Career is a strategic advisor for executives facing cancer and the founder of Trying Not To Die.live and your cancer coach, dot live. She works with business owners and senior leaders navigating cancer, helping them maintain clarity, leadership, and business continuity to life's most disruptive times. With more than 20 years of communication strategy, Deb brings a rare combination of executive insight and lived experience for leaders who need more than support. They need a plan. Because cancer may interrupt your timeline, but it doesn't have to take the leader down. Here's some takeaways from this episode. A diagnosis may change your timeline, but it doesn't need to erase who you are. Ask questions. Advocacy matters when the stakes are high. And even strong leaders need support, strategy, and a private space to think clearly. If you've been identifying with this episode, here's some things that you could do for yourself right now. Write down all your questions and don't leave your medical appointments until they're answered. Always use humor. Your diagnosis won't change, but this can change your day. And if a doctor doesn't listen, get a second opinion. You are your own best advocate and keep living your life, not only treating your illness. For similar episodes on cancer empowerment, check out Finding Your Voice, episode 178, and How to Take Back Your Control with Dr. Tiffany Trosso, episode 186 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And if you're overwhelmed as a caregiver, Dementia Decoded is a podcast with Jennifer Fink, a masterclass in working with the family caregiver. And that podcast is podcast.show fading memories. And so, Deb, where can people find you? Please share your links.

Deb Krier 26:14

Well, again, thank you so much. The easy way is yourcancerwarrior.com because it's a landing page and it's got the links there. So that way you can go there. You can also find me on Facebook and LinkedIn. I'm not on the other platforms. You could tell that I would go down those rabbit holes and never come back out. Um, and so you can just look for Deb Creer. I think there's only three of us in the whole world, and I'm the one with the wacky red hair.

Beverley Glazer 26:39

Terrific. And those links are in the show notes and they're on my site too. That's reInventedpossible.com. And so, my friends, what's next for you? If you need a private space to think that through, let's have a

Why High Performers Struggle With Diagnosis

Beverley Glazer 26:54

conversation. And you can find me on reinventimpossible.com and please share us with all your friends, add us to your playlist, and remember, you only have one life, so live it with purpose and passion.

Announcer 27:18

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, reinventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life.