Announcer: 0:07

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer: 0:34

What if everything you believed about intimacy, pleasure, and vitality after 50 was totally wrong? Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a transition coach and catalyst for women who are ready to raise the bar in their own life. And you can find me on reInvent itpossible.com. And a note of caution here: this episode talks about intimacy and healing from abuse. So if that's not for you today, please skip right on by and go to the next episode. Linda Landon is an IFC professional coach, a deep coaching practitioner, an orgasmic meditation coach, and human design practitioner. She is the best-selling author of Pleasure Past 50: Rekindle Your Sexual Intimacy with the Ignite Method and Human Design. If you've ever felt that you've lost touch with the woman you once were, this episode is for you. Welcome, Linda.

Linda Landon: 1:44

Thank you, Beverley. So good to be here. And I just light up when you talk about what we're going to talk about.

Beverley Glazer: 1:53

Exactly. Linda, you grew up in Long Island. Okay. Were you an only child? As you know, I'm a coach, I'm a therapist. I love to get like right back to the start of who you were. Were you an only child in a family on Long Island? Or I was one of two.

Linda Landon: 2:13

I had a younger brother. Do you want me to say more? Sure. Is that it? Oh, there's plenty to say. Um, I mean, I can give you a little background from my story. Sure, sure. You know, I was born and I was full of like brightness and joy and love and pleasure, as we all are. Sure. But in my family, that was thwarted early on. My parents never expressed affection or touched each other. And there was just no room for pleasure. Pleasure in my family was considered taboo. And yeah. Yeah. So were you ever told that you were loved? I believe I was loved by my father. And my father also sexually abused me. So it was a mixed message. But it was more pervasive with my mother. And I have a story. Shall I share it? Sure, sure. So I so remember this, Beverly. I must have been about two years old. It's that age when you're standing up, you your eyes come to about the level of your mother's belly button. So I walk into the bathroom and she's standing there naked. And so there I perceive this like mound of curly hair and these like folds of skin hanging underneath. And I'm fascinated. Like, what is this? And I'm full of curiosity. And I reach out to touch. And my mother slaps my hand away and says, dirty. And then I see what's on her face. And there's like self-loathing and disgust. So that was my introduction to genitalia and sexuality. Dirty, disgusting, and no pleasure here.

Beverley Glazer: 4:06

Right, right, right. And children are shut down in so many different ways. We get all these mixed messages everywhere. But here you were also sexually abused by your dad. And like you just said, you thought your dad loved you. Um, there are all kinds of mixed messages when someone is sexually abused. Yeah. Did you tell anyone? Did you feel this was bad, or was this a way of getting close to your dad?

Linda Landon: 4:35

It was more like that. It was very confusing. You know, I was young, I was probably in the crib. The memories are quite foggy. But my mother was so full of self-loathing that she and fear, she couldn't really embrace and love me. My father could. So I experienced the pleasure of being loved by my dad. But as far as I can remember, he also touched me in ways that were not okay. But you know, when you're that little, you don't even have the verbal capacity to name or say what this is. It's this mixture of pain and pleasure. And then when I was five, they divorced. So this man that loved me, in my experience, you know, abandoned me to my mom. So that was probably more traumatic than anything.

Beverley Glazer: 5:27

Yes. Did you look for love among other people?

Linda Landon: 5:32

Oh, yes. Well, so there's the thing, you know, I was resilient and I was full of life. I was almost living a double life, Beverley. It was like there was a life of fullness and joy and pleasure, and I would find ways to have that. And then there was life at home where you just shut it down. You know, any expression of enthusiasm, joy, pleasure, connectability, you shut down. But I would go out, I would go out into the woods with my dog. I had friends, I found places to keep this alive.

Beverley Glazer: 6:04

Right. And when did you realize that what happened to you was actually sexual abuse?

Linda Landon: 6:11

Oh my gosh. Probably not until my early 20s. When I, you know, I went through a period naturally where I had issues with food, and I talk about that in my book. And, you know, I was having I took on a lot of my mother's personas. So I was, I had self-aid through it and loathing for my body. And I started to wake up into the pleasure of my body, and I went to 12-step programs to help me deal with some issues with food and alcohol. And it was there that was like, oh, there was stuff that happened in my childhood that's not okay. And I was able, you know, I got a lot of support from therapists and 12-steps. I was able to heal that, but there was still this lingering part of me that was like afraid to really open and surrender into the pleasure of my sexuality with another. I could see, here's another thing. I discovered in my early 20s that I was a healer and I had a capacity to touch. So I could give pleasure, but receiving, oh, that was charged.

Beverley Glazer: 7:23

And that must have really affected your relationships later on.

Linda Landon: 7:28

Well, I thought I was frigid. You know, I could open up, get turned on, I could, you know, enter into relationship. But when it came to penetration sex, my vagina would just shut down. So I thought there was something wrong with me, something physiologically wrong with me.

Beverley Glazer: 7:47

And then spirituality came into your life. How did that happen? Spirituality and human design.

Linda Landon: 7:54

Well, the spirituality started really young. I was always in touch with that. But it was in my late 20s when I went through what we know in astrology as my first Saturn return. I was invited to explore human design. But I actually, no, that's not true. My second Saturn return in my 50s, excuse me. That's when I was invited to discover human design. And I also took a pause from relationships and dove into self-exploration and discovering my own sexuality. Like what really works here and what's going on? So it wasn't until my 50s.

Beverley Glazer: 8:38

Right.

Announcer: 8:39

Right.

Beverley Glazer: 8:40

So you decided to pause all relationships. And as they say, have a relationship with yourself. Get to know who you were.

Announcer: 8:52

Yeah.

Beverley Glazer: 8:52

What did that do for you?

Linda Landon: 8:58

I just, oh my gosh, it's like my world just broke open. Like discovering human design, I learned that I'm what we're called, what's called a projector. And I had been operating completely in a way that was unsupporting to me, burning myself out and feeling terrible. And then also sexually, as a projector, there's a whole different flow and way of being. And then in the whole sexual piece, I started to explore tantra. And I started to, you know, interact with partners. I was still single. I was not in relationship, but I started to explore my own capacity for full-body orgasm and how to share and experience that, you know, in a Tantra setting. And then I discovered something called orgasmic meditation and my my world opened up. It was just unbelievable. And then menopause. Yes, but here's the thing: I was already in menopause. Ah. So menopause happened. I I went through menopause at 48. So I was dealing with all that, like, you know, hormonal ups and downs and craziness. And I have a story running, which is also completely supported by the culture, that once you hit menopause, your sexual years are behind you. So I really thought I was dead inside. But I entered into all of this after menopause, and everything woke up in me. And I discovered that I have, and we all have, the capacity to experience a realm of sexual and pleasurable sensation that we didn't even know was possible.

Beverley Glazer: 10:46

Let's talk about those myths because there's so many myths around menopause. There's so many myths about women not needing sex as much as men. The myths are all out there. And what do you say to that to dispel those myths?

Linda Landon: 11:06

Well, I like to say, I think we talked about this before. One of the blessings of menopause is that you're not having your period anymore. So you can enter into sexuality without any fear of getting pregnant. So there's kind of like a freedom that comes into place. Um one of the, well, one of, you know, what do you want to, where do we want to start here? Like when you hit menopause, you know, your vagina is going to shrink, you're going to have dryness, you're going, your libido is going to decrease. This is, they say, is true for men and women. And honestly, I don't think that's true. That's not my experience. I take my clients through practices where they, the women who have been experiencing vaginal dryness for years, start to get self-lubrication going. It's like they start to feel juicy and available for kinds of sex they didn't even want before menopause. And that was my story. Before menopause, I was dry. And after menopause, when I entered into this realm, everything changed. And my body started to like become sexually rejuvenated. So there's big myths are men too. Shall we go there? Or just big myths.

Beverley Glazer: 12:21

Well, let's not go there. There's many, many myths that are out there, but what you've been doing is dispelling those myths, and you've been dispelling them through your courses, and you've been dispelling them through your books, and you're dispelling them with human design as well. So explain what human design is, because a lot of people listening may not even know what that is, and it's all out there to read about it if they get interested. What is human design and what did it do for you? Oh my God.

Linda Landon: 12:54

Well, so human design is a personality assessment tool and it's based on energy. So it I've worked with Enneagram and Myerth Briggs, and this it just takes us to a whole new level. You run your chart, and then this chart is like a blueprint that describes impeccably how you were designed to move through the world. And it it brings up, you know, and addresses your foibles, those things that you're, you know, you don't really like about yourself, and it gives you an opportunity to turn all of those into gifts. Like there is nothing wrong with any of us except that we may not be in alignment with the way we were born to be, which human design will show to you. Well, it makes you comfortable with who you are and who you are and who everybody else is. So if you have a sister, for instance, who's always telling you what to do and super bossy, if you discover that she's say a certain kind of type that has that tendency, you have more compassion for them as well as for yourself. And we stop trying to fix and change others because we just let them be who they are, which is very important in relationship, as you know.

Beverley Glazer: 14:14

Oh, yes. And that's self-acceptance and accepting someone else as well. Yeah. So that lessens the pressure. Yeah, you're not changing anybody, you're accepting. Yeah. What would you tell someone who feels, you know, it's too late for me. Uh, I'm already old. I, you know, uh, it's too late. You know, you know what I'm saying. I do are like that. Sure. What would you tell them? Because you're so vital and you're in your 70s, and it's like, hey, life is just starting. So what would you tell them, Verminda?

Linda Landon: 14:56

Oh, I would say, first of all, I told I so feel you because I felt the same way. I felt the same way. I felt it was over for me. You know, whether you're single or in a relationship. And what I've discovered is that isn't true. And so when I work with people, you start with yourself and you do, you learn how to wake up to sensation, to the pleasure of touch and smell and taste. And as that starts to wake up, this energy starts to move in your body that was always there. It's just been shut down. And I would tell this person, I have clients in their 70s who felt the way you do. And now they're like teenagers. They're just waking up and rediscovering a whole new realm of sexual pleasure that they didn't even know was possible.

Beverley Glazer: 15:50

So, what I'm hearing is do not give up. Give yourself a chance. Thank you. Thank you so much, Linda. Linda Landon is a life and intimacy coach dedicated to helping individuals and couples 50 plus to reignite their pleasure, deepen intimacy, and embrace sexual vitality. She is an IFC professional coach, a deep coaching practitioner, an orgasmic meditation coach, and a practitioner of human design. Linda is the best-selling author of Pleasure Past 50: Rekindle Your Sexual Intimacy with the Ignite method and human design. Here are some takeaways from this episode. Childhood messages about sexuality can be healed at any age. Women can experience pleasure in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and way beyond. And you were born to feel alive, connected, and empowered at every stage of your life. If you've been relating to this episode, here's some actions to take right now. Pause and ask yourself where did you learn these negative messages? Where did you learn those stories around sexuality? Look up human design and check out your type and talk to your partner about what you need to feel connected. For more episodes on reinventing, reinventing your life, sexual abuse, check out episodes 133 and 144 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And Linda, where can people find you online and get your links? What are your links out there?

Linda Landon: 17:39

All right. Well, you can go to my website, igniteyourjoy.us. And I'd like to offer anyone who listens to this podcast a sample of my book because the book maps it all out for you. And I'm going to save a link, but it will be in the show notes because it's very long. It's igniteyourjoy.us slash pleasure hyphen past hyphen 50 hyphen free hyphen sample. And if you didn't get that, it's in the show notes. But give yourself the gift of getting this book.

Beverley Glazer: 18:15

Absolutely. And all Linda's links are in the show notes. And they're also on my site too. That's reinventimpossible.com. And so, my friends, what's next for you? Are you just going through the motions or are you living the life that you truly love? Get my free coaching guide to keep lifting your life higher, and that's also in the show notes. You can connect with me, Beverley Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook. That's Women Over50 Rock. And thank you for listening. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Please subscribe and help us spread the word by dropping a review and sending it off to a friend. And remember, you only have one life. So live it with purpose and pleasure.

Announcer: 19:14

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, Reinventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life.