Announcer: 0:06

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer: 0:33

What do you do when you've aged out of your industry and you feel your best years are behind you? Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a reinvention strategist and empowerment coach, helping successful women over 50 to turn their natural talents into their most rewarding next staff. And you can find me on reInventimpossible.com. Casey Deckman is an author, entrepreneur, and founder of Live Sovereign Self, a developing platform dedicated to guiding women towards depth and unapologetic residency in their head. He was a powerhouse executive and creative producer who spent three decades shaping careers of multi-platinum artists and Emmy Award-winning shows. And after navigating the highs of Hollywood and the lows of single motherhood without any support, Casey faced a new talent, ages of in the entertainment industry. Whether you're starting over at 40 or reinventing yourself at 70, Stacy's Florida is a masterclass in resilience, change, and dismantling societal labels. Welcome, Stacey.

Stacey Dutton: 2:00

Thank you so much, Bev. It's so great to chat with you, and I appreciate the offer to be on your podcast. Thank you.

Beverley Glazer: 2:07

Well, Stacy, you never knew your dad. And your mom raised two children on her own. What was that like? I mean, you never even knew your dad. So what happened there?

Stacey Dutton: 2:21

Well, correct. So my mother, uh, my older sister was four. My mother was pregnant with me. Uh, she was in her seventh month of pregnancy. Um, my my father was 31. He one night had a brain aneurysm. And back in 1963, they did not have the same technology as we have today. They possibly could have saved him, but sadly he didn't make it. So my mother entered, you know, she gave birth to a second child. She was raising two children while you know dealing with widowhood, grief, and raising two little kids. So it was really tough. We had lots of support from um extended family aunts and uncles. Thank goodness we have a really tight family. So that was awesome. Um, she then remarried when I was five, um, my stepfather, and then she actually gave birth to my younger sister when I was nine years old, at which point in time she also was diagnosed with breast cancer. So it was tough. I mean, when I say, you know, I was in survival mode from day one, I was pretty much in survival mode from day one without really even understanding what was going on. Um, so yeah, it was there, I you know, I was scrappy. I don't remember not doing my own laundry. I don't remember not making my own meals from nine on. So it was a, you know, it was really tough. It was a tough time.

Beverley Glazer: 3:41

Yes.

Stacey Dutton: 3:41

Yes.

Beverley Glazer: 3:42

And and then at age 14, you literally left home. You just couldn't take it. Yeah.

Stacey Dutton: 3:48

It was rough. I left home for real. And then I ended up uh in boarding school in Connecticut in a really great prep school that really changed my life and taught me how to respect myself and respect other adults. And it gave me a new sense of confidence and self-worth. And it, you know, I mean, I think self-growth at any stage of our lives is vitally important. You can never stop growing, you can never stop learning, and you can never stop, and you always have to be your true self and try not to fear being your true self. Well, I didn't learn any of that until I was 14, until I left home. So um yeah.

Beverley Glazer: 4:26

And that changed you. It changed your life completely.

Stacey Dutton: 4:29

It sure did.

Beverley Glazer: 4:30

Before that, you were just a shy little girl. So was that when you found your voice?

Stacey Dutton: 4:36

It was when I found my voice, exactly. And I made really great friends. Um, you know, I realized that survival might have shaped me, but it didn't define me. And I realized that I had so much more strength than I even thought possible. And that's exactly when I did find my voice and you know, became a little bit, came out of my shell a lot more. And and then, you know, from it was, you know, right out of the gate, gangbusters. I just never looked back. I had jobs since I was a 12-year-old child. You know, I spent summers in the Hamptons being a mother's helper when I was in an older teen, and and then from high school, you know, in college, ended up in the entertainment business.

Beverley Glazer: 5:16

Right. Yeah. It was what what do you did that?

Stacey Dutton: 5:20

Um, well, to be honest, I really initially, when I was at NYU, I thought I was gonna go to law school. But then uh being a waitress to you know, to pay my bills and my rent and and my tuition at NYU, I met a lot of really cool people. And I met this great guy who was cameraman at NBC, who ended up getting me an internship for the morning news at 30 Rock, my senior year. So that was my introduction into the entertainment business, and I loved it. So upon graduation, they said, bye, go work at 12 other, you know, small uh, you know, news um news companies, you know, and and news uh outlets across America, then come back and see us because you don't start at the top of the pyramid, of course. Well, I didn't like that because I've always had a sense of urgency about life. You know, I I know that nothing is permanent, you know, so I'm always very anxious to just keep moving, keep going. I don't get stuck, I don't ruminate. Um so I kept my options open and I had a friend whose sister was an agent, and she said, come work for me for two weeks while my assistant's away. I did that, cut two, she introduced me to someone who needed an assistant in the music business, got the job. And that was my first, that was the beginning of my new career at that point.

Beverley Glazer: 6:34

So and that was in the music business?

Stacey Dutton: 6:37

Correct, yeah. So I was in the music business um right out of college, 1986, and I worked with record producers, record uh recording artists, songwriters, you know, really the top of the heap. And it was a real good time. It was a real good time, but it was a men's world, it was a men's club, you know, which I quickly realized as a blonde-haired, blue-eyed young female. Oh my gosh, it was challenging, but it was great.

Beverley Glazer: 7:01

Yes.

Stacey Dutton: 7:04

Um, I was working with a band um that was fantastic, and they were they needed a producer, and we were meeting with producers to produce their next project. And um the producer that I ended up, we ended up hiring to produce their record became my first husband. You know, very extremely talented, extremely creative, accomplished guy. And um we ended up um, you know, two two children, um, my daughter Mia and my son Tay. They actually both happened to have been born in Korea. We adopted them as infants, and it's the single greatest thing that ever happened in my life. Um, sadly, the marriage ended when they were five and one, and that was pretty tough. Um, you know, I was launched in from I went from career, motherhood, career, stopping career, motherhood, then suddenly I'm divorced. And that was a bit of a surprise, shock to my system, you know.

Beverley Glazer: 8:00

No, no question., and how did you survive then?

Stacey Dutton: 8:04

You know, luckily, again, you know, my scrappiness and my, you know, attitude of just keep moving. I don't get stuck in that place. There, there is an actual idea. There's a specific part of the brain that's been studied that keeps you in self-doubt and rumination and all this other stuff. I operate from experience, keep moving, keep going. So that's what I did. That's all I know. That's just literally all I know is belief in myself, you know, fear over, I'm sorry, focus over fear always, you know, and just figure it out. And I actually got a job hosting a TV series for the Discovery Network purely by accident because of my scrappy attitude. It was literally handed to me at 40 years of age.

Beverley Glazer: 8:49

Crazy.

Stacey Dutton: 8:50

I replaced PS I replaced a 22-year-old host. So that was like rather in the old cap there, like, okay, see, you know, we can do it.

Beverley Glazer: 8:58

So we were there for quite some time.

Stacey Dutton: 9:02

Yes. So uh I hosted uh a season of a show on TLC. It was one of the very first, you know, organizational design uh fun shows, and that was a great experience. And it was on that show that I met my current husband. He's a cinematographer, cameraman. Um, my kids at that point were six and nine, and I had relocated to Los Angeles to, you know, for my career and then got married. Uh so after the season of this show was ending, I ended up as a casting director on a similar type of series for the Style Network. Um, and it just steamrolled from there. I went from casting to producing, I created a show, I, you know, really kind of done it all. And it was really, really fun, I have to say. It was a lot of fun and perfect for me. Highly charged, creative, um, you know, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It was all great. But it was fast-paced, fast moving. I mean, it just zoomed right along, you know, and raising kids at the same time. So, you know, challenging, but good.

Beverley Glazer: 10:01

Totally. So you did on camera, you did off-camera. Did you ever feel pressure that you were just too old uh to even be in this industry?

Stacey Dutton: 10:12

I did. I did, absolutely. I mean, after, you know, getting this great gig at 40 and then reinventing myself in my 40s several times over, you know, on camera, casting, producing, creating. Um, you feel it because the people that are on set, and especially there's so many people that want to be in television, you know, these kids graduate college, they get off the plane, they arrive on set, they'll work for nothing, they'll walk talent from their trailer to set, and suddenly they're a talent producer and they start to get the gigs over us, you know, older folk sometimes, not all the time, because the talent is also, you know, what we bring to the table with our years of experience and our good work. But at the same time, you know, people with you know, who are younger and more energy and a little scrappier and you know aren't asking for their what they they're they're what they deserve as far as a rate goes, it can it could be challenging. But I really didn't start feeling the pull of that uh until I was in my 50s. And that was tough. That was really tough.

Beverley Glazer: 11:13

Yeah, when did you see that?

Stacey Dutton: 11:15

Well, um, I was working on a show with my son. He was actually a PA on the show, a production assistant on the on the show. He had just gotten out of school, and yes, it was nepotism, but he also earned the gig. And then that was the only time that happened. He got his own jobs after that anyway. So we were on set, and I was, you know, we all have headsets on and walkies, and we can so we can all communicate with each other while we're working. And I overheard my my son actually, let me back up. My son accidentally said Tay for mom. His name's Tay. And I went, okay, well, that's all right. And I said, go for Stacy. And and then the rest is history. Then I overheard someone on set remarking that no one wants their mother on set, and somebody asking how old I was. It was a little painful. And I saw an expression on someone's face after they found out how old I was, and I thought, oh boy. Um, so okay, fine, whatever. I just let it go, did my job. But then work did start to slow, and that was painful. And I had a friend who was another very, you know, accomplished executive producer, Emmy Award-winning, you know, creator of all kinds of TV. When she was in her 50s, she told me she was getting a facelift. I was, I said, why? Well, now I understand what she was talking about. It's not fair, it's ridiculous, you know, but okay.

Beverley Glazer: 12:36

You think that older men go through that same thing?

Stacey Dutton: 12:38

Absolutely not. I mean, as Sarah Jessica Parker remarked when her her show was rebooted and just like that after Sex in the City, and she was getting all this criticism for her wrinkles and her gray hair, she said, it's it's misogynist, misogynist chatter. And she said, What do they want me to do? Get old and disappear? Well, you know, this invisibility thing that we are stuck with because of the toxic, you know, traits of our society, it's unjust, it's ridiculous, and absolutely men don't go through that. If it was a man, no way. You know, we know we all know that. So yeah, it's disappointing.

Beverley Glazer: 13:15

Yeah. Why do you think that Hollywood sees older women um with less value, more like a liability than an asset? The story is the same.

Stacey Dutton: 13:25

Well, you know, I I mean, sh I mean, going back to something like our health, for example, Dr. Elizabeth Coman, the cancer doctor, wrote a book called All in Her Head. And it chronicles women's health from the beginning of time, you know, and how women and men are just looked at completely differently. They're treated completely differently. Everything just it all goes back to we were just always second-class citizens to begin with. And it hasn't really that industry certainly hasn't shaken it. You know, I mean, look at all the talented women there are. They're brilliant, accomplished, beautiful inside and out. But, you know, they can't get arrested. And it's not, it's not fair.

Beverley Glazer: 14:10

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And when this hit you, how did that hit you? Did it hit you hard?

Stacey Dutton: 14:17

It did hit hard. It really hurt because not only did I watch my career start to dissolve before my eyes, but I also my kids were older. You know, they were then we had COVID, then we had the strikes, and and then it just became flatline. My career was done. Like I didn't get the calls. I had one call for a show that was, I mean, it was outrageous the rate that I was offered and all the work that it entailed. It just made no sense. You know, now as we know the industry is upside down as it as it is, but that's beside the point. It was really, really hard and it was depressing. And I suddenly felt without purpose. You know, I'm walking around going, okay, my kids don't need, they need me, of course, but they're adults. You know, my daughter's almost 32 and my son's 28. You know, my husband is awesome, you know, he's he's around, but and we have a really we're very fortunate to have the life we had. But at the same time, I'm not done. All of the things that all of the phases in my life, I learned so much. You know, I have had so many experiences, as we all have. We all have a story, we all have these incredibly rich lives with what we've done, raising children, working, you know, loss, joy, all of the millions of things that that swirl, you know, around our lives on a daily basis. You know, so it's like, okay, okay, what next? Suddenly it's quiet. And I then I started having some health challenges. I broke my arm, I fractured my spine, I had, you know, developed an autoimmune disease. And I became quite depressed. So what did I do? Kept moving. That's it, it's just the key. I kept moving. I'm an avid hiker. I, I mean, well, now I just walk along the river. I don't hike mountains like I used to because of, you know, broke my arm two years ago. Um, you know, but it's just keep moving. Um, I would do exercises in my brain. I have this thing, I called it 10 things. On my walks, when I was feeling really sad, I would just think about 10 things that made me happy, that I accomplished, that I was good at, that I wished for, that I wanted to do better, whatever it was, whatever it looked like. Okay, list 10 things. It's almost like a CBT exercise, right? Um therapy, journaling. I also read the Stoics every single day. I swear by them. I mean, let's face it, the Stoics, it's the foundation for all therapy anyway. CBT is the principles of the Stoics. So I just I started making notes and writing my in my journal. Um, and consequently, I wrote a book, which was literally born from you know, all the journaling that I'd been doing. I I would jot down passages, quotes, you know, note notes from therapy. It really became my personal manifesto almost, like a handbook for, you know, keeping myself sane. I mean, it it and it had me thinking, okay, why not share it? So now I have my book, and that gave me another sort of, you know, path to follow, another corner was turned that made me feel like I was accomplishing something. Because if you don't have a purpose in life, what do you do? You seek pleasure, you know, and that's not we all need pleasure, but that's no bueno. You have to have a purpose so that you can stay sane and calm and and and really have a rich life. And, you know, it makes you wiser. It's, you know, I mean, who are who are who do we want to be when we walk out the door every day? We want to be kind, calm, good people, stay in our own lane and accomplish something. You know, so when you're floundering and you're depressed and you're you feel like you've got nowhere to turn, you just have to keep moving and believe in yourself. Focus over focus over fear, absolutely, you know, and realize that we just you we have one life to live, we're all gonna die anyway. Go for it. Keep trying, send the email, make the call, you know, pick up the what whatever it is, you just gotta do it, you know. So yeah, keep smiling.

Beverley Glazer: 18:07

For sure. Sense of humor, all that.

Stacey Dutton: 18:11

Yeah.

Beverley Glazer: 18:12

So together though, um, you and your co-owner of an agave farm.

Stacey Dutton: 18:19

Yes. So one of the other cool things that happened in my 50s um when work was starting to get a little wonky, you know, again, being brave and just walking through the door, a friend of ours approached us about um creating a tequila brand. And we're like, huh, okay. What? You know, no, no idea, nothing, nothing to do with the industry. We don't know anything about anything, but we we jumped in with both feet. And so consequently, we have a really thriving, very, you know, popular tequila brand. But more fun for my husband and I is one of the partners in Mexico, brilliant young man. Um, I say young because he's half my age, but he's he's a man and he's wonderful. Said, you know, you guys, we should maybe we should think about, you know, planting some agave. So cut to, we have a hundred acres of agave. It's called Unamor Agave Farm. One love agave. And it's, you know, again, thriving. And we have this beautiful family down there that consider us family that have become, you know, our heart and soul. And it's something that we really, really love and value and we're really proud of. So we've, you know, so we've got that. And that happened in my 50s. So now a tequila, I mean a tequila and um the a farm. What? You know, I'm not a farmer, but I'm a farmer. You know?

Beverley Glazer: 19:34

So yeah. So for our listeners, what's one final piece of advice? So that people who actually feel that their best years are behind them and they've been kind of deep. What would you tell them?

Stacey Dutton: 19:47

Well, I would tell them, you know, go for whatever it is that's in your heart. Listen to your heart, be unapologetically yourself. People are always going to judge you. There are, you know, people will criticize. Pull things apart, but are those people that really you want their lives? You know, just focus on yourself, stay in your lane, be brave. You know, it's it's very daunting starting anything new. So you just have to remember this is your life. We are in our own heads. You just keep moving, whether it's go take a walk, figure it out, shake it off, take it, you know, take a class. Um just you just have to forward motion, whatever that looks like for you. And and be brave and believe in yourself because you got this. You know, we we all have it. We just do. It's there. You just have to tap into it and be fearless. That's what I'd say.

Beverley Glazer: 20:43

Thank you.

Stacey Dutton: 20:44

That made sense.

Beverley Glazer: 20:46

Oh, it sure does. Just keep moving. That's the thing. Thank you, Stacey.

Stacey Dutton: 20:52

Thank you so much, Bev.

Beverley Glazer: 20:53

Stacey Dutton was a powerhouse executive and creative producer who spent three decades shaping the careers of multi-platinum artists and Emmy award-winning shows. After navigating the highs of Hollywood and the lows of single motherhood without any support. Stacey faced the challenge of ageism in the entertainment industry. Today she's an author, an entrepreneur, and the founder of Live Sovereign Self, a developing platform dedicated to guiding women towards depth and unapologetic presence in their third act. Here's some takeaways from this episode. When you stop trying to be seen by the world, you have the freedom to be seen by yourself. Invisibility isn't an end, it's an invitation to being authentic and stop reacting to life and respond to it with intention. If you've been relating to this episode, here's some actions to do right now. Claim your wisdom. This is your edge, and no one can take that away. Cancel one thing on your calendar that drains you and reclaim that time for yourself. And when you feel judged or ignored, pause before you speak and choose a powerful response instead of a defensive action. For similar episodes on career reinvention, check out episodes 152 and 163 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And if you love podcasts for older women, older women and friends by award-winning host Jane Leder and Guests, take a deep dive into the joys and challenges of being an older woman. That's janeleader.net. And so, Stacy, where can people find you online and learn more about you?

Stacey Dutton: 22:49

Sure. Um, I'm on Instagram, and my Instagram handle is StacyTheMayor at gmail.com. Oh, sorry, that's no Stacy the Mayor is my Instagram handle. Um S-T-A-C-E-Y. And like I'm the mayor, ha ha, Stacy the Mayor. Um, I also have my um my website is livesovereinself.com, and that's where you can find my book and some other fun stuff there. Um yeah. I'll do it.

Beverley Glazer: 23:14

And those links are in the show notes and they're at my site too. And so, my friends, what's next for you? Are you tired of spinning your wheels at three in the morning? Well, get the stuck to unstoppable roadmap and receive my free weekly insights in your inbox every weekend. Those resources will be in the show notes. You can connect with me, Beverley Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook. That's Women Over50 Rock. And thank you for listening. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Please subscribe and help us spread the word by dropping a review and sending it off to a friend. And remember, you only have one life. So live it with purpose and passion.

Announcer: 24:06

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website reinventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life.