Announcer: 0:05

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer: 0:23

What happens when a really strong woman finally runs out of steam? Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a reinvention strategist and empowerment coach for women over 50 to turn a lifetime of wisdom into the most impactful chapter yet. And you can find me on reinventimpossible.com. Marie Crews is a certified life and grief coach, a successful entrepreneur and the best-selling author. After building herself up from nowhere and navigating a 25-year high-pressure career, Marie hit the wall and transitioned into her true calling, helping women reshape their lives with intention. Marie found her way out of social assistance and an alcoholic marriage only to face the heartbreak of losing her son to suicide. If you've been going through the motions and wondering where your next spark can come from, this story is a blueprint for an awakening. So keep listening. Welcome, Marie.

Marie Crews: 1:37

Thank you so much for opening this space. Just so we can share our stories and empower whoever happens to hear, right? Yeah.

Beverley Glazer: 1:47

What was it like growing up in Louisiana, Cajun family, and really dirt poor? What was that like?

Marie Crews: 1:57

Oh, well, you know, I didn't know any different when I was a kid. So I guess I would say it was actually pretty okay. I mean, fun, you know, we had my we were close to my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, that kind of thing. So a lot of family time, a lot of, you know, uh, as young children, just ratting the roads back in the 70s and 80s when it was safe to do so. Um, you know, we were kind of wild kids doing our thing. But but yeah, I mean, it I didn't, you know, when we were little, we didn't really know right until you're in your teenage years and you start to understand what other people had. We didn't know that we couldn't get milk if the food stamps ran out. Like we knew we couldn't have it, but we didn't know how poverty, yeah. We had no idea, we just like knew there wasn't any for a couple of weeks, you know. We didn't we weren't hungry, you know. But I mean, you know, yeah, it was life, yeah. It was just life, and we there was nothing really to compare it to yet.

Beverley Glazer: 3:06

Yes, and you met your first husband at 14 years old. Oh wow, and you had your first child at 18. What were your dreams for yourself back then? Did you have any?

Marie Crews: 3:22

Oh, of course. Uh, you know, the dream was the American dream, right? Just like, or or I I don't know if you it's just isolated to the American dream, but because I grew up in America, um, you know, just the the happy marriage, the the two or three kids and and and enough money to not be uh pandering or not be on assistance or whatever. I literally that was the dream, just some stability, you know, emotional, financial, happy. I that was it that it wasn't it wasn't big, it certainly wasn't beyond that, not even travel at the time, right? It's just like just a good little life. That's all I really wanted, right?

Beverley Glazer: 4:10

And you were a bomb, mom of two when you were 20 years old.

Marie Crews: 4:16

Uh 21, yep. 21. 21, yeah, yeah.

Beverley Glazer: 4:19

So still a baby, still a little girl. How did you handle that? Did you have help or did it even matter? Like all your everybody you knew, you know, were friends.

Marie Crews: 4:31

Um, so what's interesting? No, I did not have help. That that I did that I when I say I didn't have help, I didn't have in-home help. My uh I did stay home with my children. My husband at the time was working, so I had help if I was in crisis. I was also, you know, pretty independent growing up, so I didn't ask for help. I did have um, you know, if I was in crisis, I would I I had a couple of people, ants that I could call and say, Hey, I I don't know what to do with this baby. And they would come and do a little rescue, but um, and I had help, you know, here and there for doctor appointments or something for someone to help me with the kids, but I didn't have like you know, would some people have. Uh so no, yeah, I just I just figured it out. And I always say I was just born with a lot of grit, so I just figured it out.

Beverley Glazer: 5:31

Yeah, a lot of grit it took because your husband was a kid too.

Marie Crews: 5:37

Yes, yes, and and mental illness, and yes, you know, yeah, yeah, and he was an alcoholic as well.

Beverley Glazer: 5:50

Enough is enough.

Marie Crews: 5:53

Yeah, so when I was 22, so I had a four-year-old and a one-year-old, he uh actually his addictions got worse and he moved into drug addiction. So from 22 to 30, we did uh uh recovery therapy and and I did individual and group therapy, which was just focused on my own journey through all those years. So for eight years, I worked on me, and you know, knowing that if if I went under the kids weren't gonna make it, and I needed probably beyond anything, I needed to be a good mom. Like it was uh, I need to get this right, partly because at that time, right, I was judging my mother so harshly for getting it not right, and so um I think that's you know what happens, but anyhow, so I was 30, uh almost 31 and or going on 31, and I just he got arrested and for some just whatever. And when he went to jail, it was just something in me clicked, and I I just knew that emotionally I couldn't afford another go-round because we had had recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse, maybe about four or five times during that eight-year period. So it'd be like just when I would get to where I was like, okay, we're gonna make it. This is gonna be okay. The rug is pulled out again. So I was living in active repetitive trauma through my those eight years, not physical abuse at all, but um emotional for sure. Uh, so I just something clicked and I said, I can't do this anymore. And then by that time, I have a 12-year-old and a nine-year-old, and and I had shielded them from everything, they had no idea what was going on in the background, and I knew that they were coming into those ages where you can't hide everything anymore, and I just personally couldn't do it anymore, and it was him or me, and it broke my heart, but yeah, it was breaking my heart anyway.

Beverley Glazer: 8:16

So, but here you are now, single mom, two kids, and you had to go on government assistance, and that's really hard to get out of that once you're in that system. How did you have the courage to keep on fighting?

Marie Crews: 8:35

Wow, um, I think I just I just knew that that wouldn't be the life that I was going to stay in. I don't know how I knew that. No one had told me that. I just was determined that I would find my way. And I've always had this uh something in me that said, just keep looking, you know, talk to somebody else, read something else, grow, just keep going, keep growing, and you're gonna find what you're looking for. You're gonna find what you need the most next, you know. And it happens to now be my whole platform, which is like if you just don't quit what you're looking for, you're gonna find. So um I I was, yeah, I was on government assistance for about a year. I became very disillusioned with the system because in order for me to get more help to better myself, I had to give up the little assistance I was getting. So it's like the system isn't built to help you succeed, right? It one would think if if if oh, if you do better, you get a better job and you make a little more money, then we'll keep helping you so you can keep make like you could come out of it. But that's not how it works. So I got very disillusioned and kind of just pissed off. And I said, you know what? So I ended up uh finding being offered a job that made me drive. I was, you know, 10 minutes from home from work, and I had to drive 45 minutes from work to go to this job, but it was a better opportunity. But the the difference in assistance versus the increase in pay was a wash, so I gave more time for no more money, but at least I wasn't dependent on anything except for me at the time. And that's that's how I did it. And I just it was just the next right decision, right? And then the next decision came, and then right, and that that's it's literally like what and I didn't know. I didn't, I never consciously thought if I do this, then the universe is gonna pay me back, you know, God's gonna take care of me. That wasn't the thought. The thought was this is the right thing for me to do. And I really loved the other job that I had, so that was really hard for me to leave. Um, but I was kind of, it wasn't fulfilling. I loved the people and the environment and all that. So, but then so I took that step in the right direction for me, and then another opportunity opened up. So I had a second job, which was part-time for the same boss, but it ended up pushing me into a financial realm that I mean, for someone who was undereducated without a even uh finished my college degree to make that money, which by the way, was not, I mean, to me, it was like, oh my gosh, huge. I'm making $55,000 a year. Like I would never have like thought that was possible.

Beverley Glazer: 11:52

And so, then doors just kept opening, you know, because if we move forward, they and don't quit because it's not gonna happen um right away, but the the opportunities will keep showing up if you keep showing up, yeah, and you kept on showing up, and then you found husband number two, yes, yes, yes, and life was pretty good, and you continued showing up and getting more out of life, and then all of a sudden, your son died of suicide, and you could not have called that shot one way or the other. How did you manage that grief?

Marie Crews: 12:40

Um, you know, I think that all of the things that had come before had uniquely prepared me to know that um that if I just didn't quit, that I'd I'd figure out the way. Now, nothing that had happened before. Now, listen, when my marriage fell apart, when I say devastated, was devastating because I had worked so hard for so many years and lost that anyway. Um, and this was very similar to the nth degree, you know, like like, but in my in my soul, it I've often said I just knew how to whisper myself through something. I knew how to whisper myself home. I remember my first divorce when not my only divorce, but when my first marriage ended, I remember just telling myself, you you're gonna figure this out. You got this, you're gonna figure this out. It was literally what I said every day, every day. And I had started to dabble a little bit by that point into law of attraction and understanding, or more so psychology in the base that what we tell ourselves creates our reality, and so you know, when I lost Quentin, it was dark, and you can't even imagine the way through because you you it's the thing you never you were most afraid of. That's it's literally the thing a mother is most afraid of in their whole life with their children, right? You're most afraid of losing your child, period. That I think that's a complete true statement for every mom. Maybe not, but all the ones that I know. And it was so dark. Like it was so dark, but I had enough in my past built up to to suggest to me that if I didn't quit, that if I didn't let it suck me under and keep me under, that I would find the next thing, I would find the way, I would find my way through to some light. And so I just began uh every day to just look for one freaking thing, just anything like anything that that showed life that said, here's why you shouldn't give up. Just one thing, you know, and some days it was hard to find that, you know, I had the benefit or the luxury, I'll call it, or the I had created a life that I loved. I had a daughter and a husband that deserved to not lose me too. And some days that's all I could hold on to to keep going. Not that I was suicidal at all because I wasn't, but I in the beginning I said, if I'm gonna be here and I knew that I was, then I will find my way back to peace and joy because because otherwise I can't live the rest of my life like this. Like I can't live with this pain. And I live with it, but I carry it vastly different than in the beginning because it's not, it's literally like on you on your chest, and you can't breathe, and there's nothing you you can't just put it aside. And so, yeah, I just I just I don't I don't know. I feel like the more I tell the story, the more I see how kind of miraculous it is that uh that I am where I'm at right now, eight years later. Um, I'm trying to learn to give myself that credit or that um, I don't know, it's it's all kind of sticky, right? Because to give yourself credit for being okay or finding peace uh in the aftermath of losing a child is kind of this conundrum you don't want to be in. Does that make sense?

Beverley Glazer: 17:08

Well, yes, because I'm gonna give you credit if you can't give yourself credit. Um, I don't even want to say how huge it is, only you know, only you carry it. Um, but the point is you're helping others by telling this story. And and this is my purpose too, to keep telling stories because look how how challenging life can be, and you keep on pushing through. And is that when you started to write and to journal?

Marie Crews: 17:42

No, actually, um, so in 2014, um my daughter gave me the book called The Artist Way by Julia Cameron. And I've always been a writer, by the way. And I journaled to my kids when they were babies, and I I was a story writer when I was young, and I learned in college that I was a good writer. I didn't really understand that. Um, but journaling became a habit for me before I lost my son. So I lost my mom first in 2016 very suddenly, but I already had a journal writing habit. So after I lost her, I began to make sure that in the morning journal that I did every day, which she goes through in the book, by the way, um, I began to really hone in on encouraging myself through it. And what I didn't know is that the medicine was in that piece of me talking myself through it, me walking myself back to my own strength, to my ability to overcome something. So I was a journaler before I lost my mother, a daily journaler, okay, it's a habit. And then and then when I lost Quentin, I I didn't journal for a while because I didn't want to meet myself on the paper. And that's what happens when you journal. You meet yourself, your truth, your just the the things we don't say out loud. And so when I did go back to my journal after I lost Quentin, I didn't just find me again, I found him, which was uh part of what I teach now, which is you know, you can make that connection on the paper if you allow it, you know, if you allow them to talk to you. And so, um, so yeah, so then journaling became my medicine, like literally my medicine. And I didn't write, I didn't talk to him every day, but I could when I needed to, you know, when I would collapse again. Um, but what I did was I honed my ability to talk myself through it, to to admit all the things that especially in maternal grief, that you can't there aren't people can't handle your pain. So I had dear loved ones close to me, like so close to me that I normally could talk to about anything. But this thing, it was too personal and it was too painful, and I was too protective of the people around me who loved me, but they also loved my child. So it was like this insulated spot that I was in that I couldn't. The only way for me to navigate it was by myself, but I had an outlet. Like I could write everything, I could write about the people I was pissed off at the way they handled the grief or didn't handle it. I could write about like all the ugly stuff that was just simmering in me and the anger and the, you know, not really anger at him, but anger at this world that wasn't good enough for him, anger that he didn't leave me unknown, you know, all of it. And it we could go all the way in, but the paper, the journal was the safest thing I had, and it was available to me 24-7. Yeah. And that is what just became my medicine.

Beverley Glazer: 21:41

Yes.

Marie Crews: 21:42

And and a lifeline, you know, um, back to me. A lifeline back to me. Because I remember thinking I didn't just lose him, I lost part of me, like you know, the part of me that was identified. My identity piece that was connected to him. I had protected him for 22 years. I had tried to and meet his needs, and he was a really high maintenance kid and young adult. And so I also am an extra extrovert. And I lost the desire to be with people because I felt like I was always protected. Like I didn't know what was going to make me cry. I didn't know if somebody would, if they would say his name or they wouldn't, because either one could make me cry. You know? And so I just didn't want to be around people. I felt like I had a star in my head, all the things. And and journaling saved me because it was the space that I could find my way back to me.

Beverley Glazer: 22:50

Yes. And you wrote your story so others could read it too, and others could be helped by it. And what would you tell one thing to grieving mothers who need to hear something most? What would you tell them?

Marie Crews: 23:07

Um I mean, it's gonna sound simple, but if you if you literally keep looking for the light, if you keep seeking the light, you're going to find it. And I get it, it's dark and you don't even know. I remember thinking, I don't even know if I want to feel better. You know, because sometimes we could get tied to our grief because we think that's our connection to our child. But I think this thing right here that if you will look for the light, if you just won't quit on yourself, if you will believe that there's a space in which you can get to, that you can heal enough that the connection with them becomes the memories and the good things. And it stops being my only connection to Quentin was my pain and suffering. I I've I've, you know, in terms that I've learned since is alchemize it to where I am, it hurts. I cry clearly. I'm human, but I'm also connected to him in a way that I can look at the pictures now, I can talk about him, I can, I can remember the funny things and the annoying things, and I can talk about his entire life, not from a pain perspective, from a loving mama perspective, from a connected perspective. And to me, if I'm gonna be here, I don't want every time I think about my child to be painful. Like I don't want it to just be the fact that he couldn't be here, like that he isn't here, that he's missing. And so I know that's not a simple answer, but I I want a mama to hear hope. Like there is a way that you can move through it, not let them go, but learn to relate to them differently. And if you're really brave enough, you can learn to communicate with them, you can let them tell you what is true.

Beverley Glazer: 25:22

Thank you. Thank you so very much for your transparency. Thank you, thank you, Marie. Marie Crews is a certified life and grief coach, a successful entrepreneur and a best-selling author of Even When She Rose. After a 25-year career navigating the high-pressure world of legal management, she hit the wall and transitioned into her true calling, which is helping women reshape their lives with intention. Here are a few takeaways from this episode. Grief can be an anchor. It does not have to define you. Journaling is a clinical tool, not just a hobby. And the answers are inside of you. Trust yourself and you will find a way. If you've been relating to this episode, here are a few things that you could do for yourself right now. List five things that you're good at. This can give you confidence in yourself. Spot your invisible patterns. Look at your journal or your notes and find patterns that are keeping you stuck. And when you feel overwhelmed, stop and write everything out of your head. This clears the mental clutter. For similar episodes on reinvention and healing, check out episodes 152 and 154 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And if you're over 50 and love to travel, the Ageless Traveler is your number one resource for a lifelong travel. Discover exciting places, luxury travel for less, grandparenting and solo travel and culture and culinary experiences, and meet people who make your travel easy. The Ageless Traveler is on agelesstraveler.com. And so, Marie, where can people find you? Please tell me your links and tell us where we can find you all over the web and find out about your retreats and your book and everything.

Marie Crews: 27:33

So on my main website, MarieCrews.com, spelled C-R-E-W S. Um, all of the socials are linked there. You can find me also at Marie Crews on Facebook, is my main platform, but I'm also on TikTok. I do a lot of grief. Um, I talk a lot about my grief process, the ups and the downs, still eight years later, and then um my journaling program and my retreats and all. But all of that can be found on my main website. It's just, you know, all linked at the top. You can also I also offer a journal jumpstart workshop. It's free. And if you just sign up for the newsletter, you'll get a copy of that. Uh, the whole workshop. I'll send it to you. Perfect. Perfect.

Beverley Glazer: 28:21

And all those links are in the show notes and they're on my site too. That's reinventimpossible.com. And so, my friends, what's next for you? Are you tired of spinning your wheels at three in the morning? Get the stuck to unstoppable roadmap and receive my weekly insights in your inbox every weekend. That free resort is in the show notes too. You can connect with me, Beverly Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook. That's Women Over50 Rock. And thank you for listening. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Please subscribe and help us spread the word by dropping a review and sending it off to a friend. And remember, you only have one life, so live it with purpose and passion.

Announcer: 29:10

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website reinventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life!